Money Problems, Don't Know What To Do.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by MoneyProblems, Mar 10, 2010.

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  1. Hi everyone,

    about a year ago my father passed away and left the house and my mother to take care of. My mother can't work because of a disability and she only gets 600$ or so a month to live on from SS.

    I am 20 years old and probably like most people at 20, I just wasn't ready for this kind of burden. At the time of my dads passing I had successful businesses online and made more money than most people and had around 100,000 in the bank. At the time i was doing very good for myself and everything looked like it was gonna be ok...

    Once the reality of my dad passing had really started to set in and when the economy started to slow down I just never really found myself. When my dad passed away its like my motivation to continue to succeed died with him. He was a good dad who always gave me crap about getting stuff done and alway pushed me to do better. My whole life my dad never really showed his emotions so he was kind of an ass to everyone but he was loved by everyone. A couple days before him passing he told me he was proud of me and happy that I was going to be able to take care of mom after he was gone. I was happy to finally hear him say he was proud of me and when he passed away it was like all motivation to succeed and continue to do good just went away.

    Every since then I just stopped bothering to work. I lost that spark of motivation that made me so successful in my online ventures. Soon my money started to run dry and no matter how hard i try i just cant get myself motivated to do anything anymore. I got 3 older siblings and none of them contribute nothing to me and my moms situation. They think because I make good money or use to make good money that I can handle it myself.

    I feel so mad and sad at the same time because of the hand i was delt in life. Being left with huge money problems and family problems. I feel sad because I told my dad everything would be fine and I would take over the house and look after my mom. I don't know what to do. Im 20 years old and I should be in college or something. This is when i should be living my life and no offense to my mother, I love her to death but I feel like my life is being thrown away because I have to look after her. I know it seems selfish but my mother is not an easy person to live with. She is pretty hateful and treats me like a 13 year old kid.

    I feel betrayed by my own siblings because they add nothing. One of them is about 10 years older than me just out of a divorce and all she cares about is living on her own basically trying to live like shes 20 years old again. If i even brought up the idea of my mom staying with her for awhile she would say no. She is very selfish and only cares about herself.

    My other sibling is pretty much the same but shes around my age. Its very frustrating that some how everyone thinks its my job to look after my mom and take care of her with nobody else chipping in to help. Im going broke and my job isn't getting any better. I owe thousands in debt just trying to keep us afloat and I don't know what to do. I need that motivational drive back in my life. I need to be alone. I need my life back.

    I don't care how selfish I sound...

    I just want my own life. I just want to start MY life already. I feel like im living someone elses life. I don't know what to do.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It was not fair to have this put all on your shoulders You are not being selfish and you need to move on and start a life of your own You need to talk with your mother and ask her what can be done so yu can move on maybe get someone to come into the house to look after her nurses aides. I have health care aides come in and look after my brothers and mother You cannot give up your life it is just starting Tell your sibling you are giving them notice that they need to come up with some support for your mother as you are moving out and starting a life of your own. Your mother will surely understand perhaps a retirement home for her even but you need to live your life. Not being selfish at all your needs are important as the others.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry but I think you need to start being more responsible. $100,000 blown in a year? I have to live off of about $8000 a year and take care of my children on that income too.

    As for your Mom she is ill. No matter if it is physical or mental, she didnt choose to be ill. Just like you didnt choose to have to look after her. But it's happened. Yes I agree with violet get some outside help, tell the siblings they have to be just as responsible as you. You do deserve to have your own life. But to find her a burden? Again you need to be responsible atleast until you can set up outside help. Maybe trying to set all that up will help you to find the motivation you're looking for.
  4. well the 100,000 wasnt all mine most went to taxes and in my job you need a lot of money to make money back so its not like i spent all the money on stupid stuff. More on failing job opportunities.

    As for my mom being ill and having to take care of her its not that shes disabled and cant do anything without my help. she just deals with seizures. so shes not incapable of doing stuff on her own she just kinda expects people to take care of her and be there for her like my dad was and im gonna be honest. I don't want to be that person she expects to look after her, I don't wanna be the replacement for my father in terms of spending the rest of my life at her side.

    I mean im more than happy to look after her and take care of her. after all she did the same thing for me for 18 years but im not gonna spend the rest of my life with her. I have my own life to live and as much as I love my mother I can't be expected to live with her for another 30 years. Thats why im mad at my siblings, everyone knows how mean she can be and how controlling she is. Both my older siblings were out the door once they hit 18 and thats why everything was put on me. Its not right and its not fair.

    thats just one part of my problem. The other half of course is the fact that im going broke and having a hard time finding a way out. And since its kinda some un talked about promise that I would be looking out for my mom, the house and a place for us to stay it makes me feel bad that i won't be able to provide for us. Its like i failed my dad and I don't want to be seen as a failure especially when I was doing so good.

    anyway after i wrote this thread i felt better that i vented a little. Ill still don't know what im gonna do but hopefully ill find a way.
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well I'm glad that venting helped you feel a bit better. Keep posting, cant promise all or any of the answers but tons of people here to help support you through it :arms:
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