So here I type, going from having a nearly perfect night on Saturday night to having suicidal ideation tonight. Saturday night my spouse threw a surprise party for me. Lots of friends and family showed. It was at a local bar. People talked to me, congratulated me, gifts galore. I don't think I ever felt so loved that night - the wife made a speech about how special I was and started crying. My kids sang to me. People hugged me. Lots of cake, food, music. Hell, people I barely knew came and made a great time of it. Then the bill came. My wife hid it from me, knowing my biggest worries is our financial situation (which is bordering on bankruptcy right now). Eventually I would see it, and today I did. I was totally floored. I get that she wanted to make this a special event - but this sucked up our remaining savings and now we have nothing for Christmas. And we fought - one of the worst fights we've had in years. Don't get me wrong, she is a great woman - we've been together nearly 30 years - yet she is the worst when it comes to financial responsibility. And before you ask, we've tried. We've sat down and I've shown her our bank account. We've been to financial counselors, marriage counselors, with the idea of her trying to get involved in the finances. She just doesn't GET IT. I mean, its like her mind just freezes. And she has readily admitted that fact; but doesn't see her spending as a problem. And its really NOT a problem, I know of many people who are much worse than we are. But her job sucks and doesn't pay well enough, and we're currently about $500/m behind. Some months with my overtime we break even, so that works out. I was lucky to bust my ass over the summer to put some in the savings, now its gone. So anyway, I started thinking of my life insurance. Suicide will be covered due to me having the policy for over 10 years. It just all started making sense to me. My death will actually benefit everyone. All our loans, credit cards, house and car would be paid off. My kids college tuition loans, for which she's struggling with, would be paid. There would be enough money left over for spending, too. Not to mention there would be Social Security survivors benefits paid to the wife every month. And then she could sell the house to get away from the memories and use the proceeds to buy a smaller one. And the wife is still young enough and good looking to hook up with someone else. I think the only thing that is keeping me going is my youngest. I think the wife and oldest kid could handle it, but not the little one. We're practically twins. I really hate how money rules my life. Can anyone throw some advice my way?