monster

[registerd but scared]

I am usually around but i have decided that it was best i kept who i am a secret.
I am a monster.
I get off watching films where other people are abused
I get off watching other people suffer
I enjoy their pain
I enjoy that their pain is worse than mine
I enjoy I am not the only one hurting
I am fucking sick
I live my life by filling in the gaps because if i didnt i would fade out of existance
I am sick of pretending to be happy
I am sick of being a Monster

 

[Green.Triceratops]

Real monsters dont get tired of being monsters, so thats positive. I dunno qhat you're watchin but as long as you're not hurtin anyone i don't see anything wrong with your feelings. You're feeling hurt and alone so you can identify with the victims in the videos.

Idk if you have meds or therapy but sometimes it really does work. Something to think about. Acting happy doesnt get you anywhere trust me. If you're angry or sad or even elated show it.

Take care of yourself

 

[tweetypie]

You clearly feel guilty about what you are doing. Of course it is going to upset some people if you revealed yourself as a member but its also going to give you some support. As someone who has suffered abuse myself i can say that although it is upsetting in a way to know that people will actually watch things like that ....it is still different from participating. I also know that the people involved in my case never showed any guilt or remorse. I think you are comparing yourself to people who carry out these acts in a way but you shouldnt ....you should try to seek help for these issues and i hope that you can.
always much love xx

 

[doityourself]

Im sorry you feel that way, but unless your causing others pain your no monster.

I dont know if you were abused or not, but if you were it would explain alot, PM me if you want to talk about it okay.

Hugs.

 

[WildCherry]

The things you've described don't make you a monster, because obviously if you're posting about it here, it's something that's concerning you. Do you know where this is coming from, were you abused in your past?

If you want to talk, you can PM me.