Monster

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moses, Oct 4, 2011.

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  1. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I was reading a post that brought up a person being a monster and It reminded me of myself...

    I almost always feel like I'm not human. Even when I'm interacting with like friends I never really feel like I'm part of this whole society. It's like everyone else exists and lives a certain way and I'm just this thing that lives a completely different way, totally different from everyone else. Like no one I know is the same species as me. I feel like I'm some monster in a carcass just walking around, going through the motions of a normal life, but not actual being a part of society. I actually searched up how to tell if I was human or not. I just feel like there's everyone else...and then there's me
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Moses and I personally know how that feels...for me, it was estrangement, being so apart from everyone else, that I did not relate in any way. Please know many people experience this, in varying degrees...J
     
  3. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I don't think what you're referring to is being a monster you just feel different then other people. You may be referring to some form of dissociation. It could also be that you don't relate to others and feel unique due to any number of reasons. From what I understand dissociation is common in trauma.

    Is there some underlying trauma you're dealing with? If you're open to discuss it I'm here :hug:

    A bit off topic but...

    I'm not very fond of the term referring to someone as a monster, everyone has heroic and evil impulses in them, no person is immune. We are all capable of being caring or cruel, considerate or indifferent, even a hero or a villain. Some people find it very comforting thinking we are good and these other people are bad. This isn't to condone people who do horrendous acts, there truly are psychopaths out there that are sadistic. Some of those people are truly 'evil'.

    About 4% of the population are sociopaths(basically the same as a psychopath) except many of them aren't blatant lawbreakers, there are more mild variations which are rarely violent. A company is more likely to be successful with a psychopath as the CEO versus a normal person they will care more about the bottom line(making money) versus caring for people or having a conscience in their decisions. In a sense they have an advantage due the lack of guilt or empathy. There are even people that are known as dyssocial sociopaths. Which are basically people who follow gangs rules thus they become sociopaths by assimilation.
     
  4. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I don't mean i'm a monster as in I'm evil and I destroy things, I mean I sometimes, enuinely think I'm not a real human. Like in the Shawshank Redemption, when Red says the Sisters don't "qualify" as human. I feel like that (except I don't rape prison inmates)
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I felt like an alien during those times, not understanding or relating to what was going on in society
     
  6. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Isolation to that degree is so painful...but it doesn't take away your humanity. It's the disease itself causing you to question it...
     
  7. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Okay thanks for clarifying, I didn't think that's how you meant it but I decided to go off on a bit of a rant there, lol. Sorry for any confusion.

    There are so many factors in everything which could be making you feel the way you are, trauma, having unique experiences, isolation, even just being treated differently just to name a few possibilities.

    I'm curious why feel somewhat different then human or other humans? Like from your perspective.
     
  8. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I don't know. It's a difficult sensation to explain. I guess the best way (for me) to explain it is by thinking people are lego bricks, and I'm that one messed up pipece that was a factory defect and had that little piece of extra plastic and the dog chewed on and now there's no way I can fit with other peces, and I'm just like "what the hell am I?" Even in an art class I'm taking, you'd figure art is one thing where you can be completely yourself and feel like you belong, but I look at my art compared to everyone else's and I see how everyone considers things and I'm just like, "not even here am i normal." There's just no human connection between me and anyone else...at all
     
  9. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    I am sure this is a very uncomfortable feeling and you would like to change it. Why not see a therapist/psychologist to see if you can get some help with this.
     
  10. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I actually did go to a therapist for a little while, but it really didn't help at all. Just a waste of money if you ask me.
     
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