It's the most ridiculous thing. I have cousins who I havwnt spoken to in years who have reached out because my facebook posts have included articles about suicide and depression. That should tell me I'm not alone, right? But I feel more alone than ever. The friends I used to talk to everyday when this relapse started, I don't hear from them anymore, really. My little sister, bless her heart, has been checking in but a lot let so and I can see she wants to live her life without being brought down by me and my shit. She deserves to. My other siblings, they have their own lives. I usually spend the day at my sister's where I hang out with her toddler and cook sometimes but I can't do that today. So, I'm at home, all alone with almost nothing to distract me from these thoughts. <mod edit- timelines> It's not ok to be like this. Who I've turned out to be isn't so good. I'm a mess. I'm not ok.