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More alone than ever

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kristellechou, Apr 3, 2015.

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  1. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    It's the most ridiculous thing. I have cousins who I havwnt spoken to in years who have reached out because my facebook posts have included articles about suicide and depression. That should tell me I'm not alone, right?

    But I feel more alone than ever. The friends I used to talk to everyday when this relapse started, I don't hear from them anymore, really. My little sister, bless her heart, has been checking in but a lot let so and I can see she wants to live her life without being brought down by me and my shit. She deserves to. My other siblings, they have their own lives.

    I usually spend the day at my sister's where I hang out with her toddler and cook sometimes but I can't do that today. So, I'm at home, all alone with almost nothing to distract me from these thoughts.

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    It's not ok to be like this. Who I've turned out to be isn't so good. I'm a mess. I'm not ok.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2015
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am sorry you are not ok hun and no your sister would not be better off without you she would be suffering so much pain and she would not get over it.
    i hope coming here helps a little to decrease your loneliness hugs
  3. Kanra

    Kanra New Member

    Sorry you are going through this.
    Maybe its a good thing that happend with your friends. Real friends would have stayed with you. So keep moving forward. Maybe talk to your sister? Tell her how you feel?
  4. kristellechou

    kristellechou Well-Known Member

    But, I mean,I actually am alone. No boyfriend or husband or kids. Friends and family have their own lives as they should. I know the answer to this would be to get my own life but it's just not so easy for me. And, even when I did have a life, I still felt alone.

    I realize this all sounds really selfish and self centered and I'm sorry that's who I've turned out to be. But I just don't want to feel alone anymore. It's a feeling - I'm sure you guys know what I mean by that..
  5. ScarlettHurts1990

    ScarlettHurts1990 Active Member

    It's not self-centered or selfish at all. Depression is an actual illness and it's very, very real and persistent. I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it doesn't help, but there are others that suffer too, although when you're extremely depressed that doesn't matter and you still feel alone. That's the ugly nature of the illness, unfortunately. It causes you to have to be by yourself all of the time, even when you don't want to. It's like being alone in a crowded room and that horrible feeling ever quite goes away. Here, at least you have people to discuss your battles with!
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