i am feeling more and more without hope and suicidal. i have been "working on" hurting myself to lead me to suicide for many years, but after the last time i was in hospital, amonth ago, something changed and i decided i could try to live. only that i didnt know its so hard. i didnt imagine it was hard like this. and now im on the edge of crying every moment, i cant function and have restarted thinking about suicide as a way out. i feel so alone, no matter how much i reach out. i am still alone with my pain and with my unwanted life. im so sick of this all, i wish so much i could end it all right now.