I'm back, again. I just keep returning to these dreadful dark thoughts that the world in general would be better off without me being here. When I think I'm making progress, away from the thoughts, they just sneak back in. Each morning now I've prayed that God will just take me in stead of me having to face one more dismal day. But that doesn't work. I guess I'm going to have to man up and take matters into my own hands. I fronted to work, but feel completely useless. They've taken all of my responsibilities away from me, I literally sit in an office away from everyone else and do meaningless work. I have no value. I'm just waiting form them to tell me that I have to take redundancy. Oh the others do come and talk to me and say how dreadful it is that I'm being treated this way. But its only words. I am a social leper. I've done some research on the net and found some different ways. Im in a place now where Im weighing up which method will be the most effective and least painful. And no Im not going to discuss actual methods here. But Im getting ready. So why am I writing this? Well where else can I talk about this darkness that just keeps hanging around me. Where else can I talk about how utterly hopeless I am? If I talk to any of my colleagues, or my partner, or my kids, it will just freak them out and I will end up in hospital again. Which is just delaying the inevitable. The end of my miserable failed life is fast approaching. I just have to be a little patient and plan a little more carefully this time. Last time, I was interrupted. Not good planning. This time, a plan and no interruptions.