More conclusions that I have come to....

[Hopeiseverything]

You can’t wish, talk, pray or medicate away ptsd, ocd, anxiety and depression.
You cannot go back 4 years ago when your life was pretty damn close to perfect
You cannot stop this nightmare train that you are on and so desperately want to get off of.
You can’t stop an autoimmune disease that is slowly eroding your smile, face, joints, etc.
You can’t unhurt people that you have hurt
And you can’t imagine the remainder of your life like this so what is the sense of continuing.
The thing that keeps me trying is my wonderful, wonderful husband, my children, my grandchild and my ever supportive friends. However, I fear that soon all of that will not be enough....
The thought of burning in hell petrifies me .... as does death itself .... but surely I am living in hell now.

I am talking to my psychiatrist on Tuesday. Maybe he will have a clue how to proceed. I do not have plans so I am sure he will not hospitalize me though perhaps I should go voluntarily. Something to ponder.

thank you for listening.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

sending love

I hope your appointment goes well

 

[Lara_C]

Hi @Hopeiseverything and hugs . I think you must keep in mind that this is an illness which needs skilled professional care plus support from those who love you and who would do everything they can to reduce your suffering if you didn't keep trying to hide it from them. All the bad feelings like guilt etc, will go away when you allow your medical team to take more intensive care of you and find a treatment and therapy which works better for you.

Please don't give into the feeling of hopelessness , but use it to tell your doctor how bad things actually are right now. You have a life ahead of you when you get through this crisis, but you are depriving yourself of the help you need to have the life you deserve by holding back from those who are in the best position to give you the care you need. When we can't take care of ourselves, we have to let go the struggle and let others look after us for a while until we recover our energies. Try to think the present state you're in is temporary and others have found their way out of the depths. With the right help, you can too, and life can even be better than it was before. We are always here for you and are willing you on to recovery with all our hearts. ❤

Let us know how you get on at your appointment, and if your doc recommends a period of in patient care, please accept it as best for you right now

 

[Hopeiseverything]

Hi @Hopeiseverything and hugs . I think you must keep in mind that this is an illness which needs skilled professional care plus support from those who love you and who would do everything they can to reduce your suffering if you didn't keep trying to hide it from them. All the bad feelings like guilt etc, will go away when you allow your medical team to take more intensive care of you and find a treatment and therapy which works better for you.

Please don't give into the feeling of hopelessness , but use it to tell your doctor how bad things actually are right now. You have a life ahead of you when you get through this crisis, but you are depriving yourself of the help you need to have the life you deserve by holding back from those who are in the best position to give you the care you need. When we can't take care of ourselves, we have to let go the struggle and let others look after us for a while until we recover our energies. Try to think the present state you're in is temporary and others have found their way out of the depths. With the right help, you can too, and life can even be better than it was before. We are always here for you and are willing you on to recovery with all our hearts. ❤

Let us know how you get on at your appointment, and if your doc recommends a period of in patient care, please accept it as best for you right now

Seriously love you all....I will let you know. ❤️