I am starting to wonder if I am slowly on a downward spiral right now. In school I have good grades and I got an email about a second interview for a job I applied for, so I'm not really messing up on the surface. But behind the scenes I am drinking and smoking so much. My mood is completely unstable and I revert back to these things. The boredom of not having a job for so long (hopefully the new one comes through), having few friends where I live now, and the depression is building up anger and sadness inside of me. I feel so lonely all of the time. And I run back to my one weakness when I feel this way, drugs and alcohol. I know I should avoid them and not do them. I know that when you are depressed they can make you more depressed, yet I do it anyway. Because I know that at least it will make me go to sleep, or distract me while I'm cleaning, or make music a little more interesting. I go outside and take walks and go on runs but all day long I am in a constant battle to distract my mind. I'm filled with anxiety and confusion constantly. I feel like I am going a bit crazy to be honest, but I am trying to keep it together in order to not get committed.