More harm than good

[dtc]

I'm feeling guilty as I have tickets to a show and the person who had agreed to go with me cancelled, so I invited someone else who I'd been chatting too, however due to one thing and another I hadn't message for about a month, and if I'm honest only really did now as the original person pulled out.

I didn't message them and say hey I've got tickets would you like to come, I just said we never got round to meeting, I've only ever spoken to them online, would you still like too, and it turned out that the night I had tickets for they were free, so we're going to that.

If that night hadn't been free I still would have teed up another time, so it's not like I only want to catch up with them to use the ticket, but I think telling them the whole story will do more harm than good as they might feel I not invited them as a back up, rather than really wanting to meet them.

Am I doing the wrong thing by not telling them? Doesn't help that this is the first person I've gone out with after the end of a twenty year relationship, so I'm a bit out at sea with all this as it is.

Thanks

 

[Fell Mor]

I think there is no reason to tell them the whole story as it would indeed "cause more harm than good." Just keep it to yourself, and don't let on that anything weird has happened.

 

[dtc]

don't let on that anything weird has happened.

Couldn't help but smile at this, it just sums up exactly how I feel about the whole thing, weird!

Thank you for the feed back @Fell Mor, I've said before I feel like a bit of a fraud on here as I don't have the dangerous thoughts that most people on here do, so was conscious that this post might be a bit petty considering the issues others have, but I just haven't been able to stop over analysing it so really appreciate you putting my mind at rest.

 

[Acanthi]

It's not petty at all! Getting back into the scene after such a long time can be pretty daunting. I don't think there's a reason to tell the person you're now going with the full story either. It won't change the fact that you wanted to see that person in the first place, and yeah, telling the back story at the point would do more harm than good.

Hope you have a fun night out!

 

[dtc]

Thanks @Acanthi, your support means a lot. I'd hate to even think of the number of things I've missed out on in life by over analysing and then not doing as the fear of failure/rejection just built up too much in my head. Prior to becoming part of this community I would never have been able to post such a comment as I'd have convinced myself it was too petty to bother others with, and then it would have just eaten me up inside.

Obviously still a long way off not having these thoughts, first reply and I'm apologising for wasting their time, but happy with myself for opening up and asking.

Thanks again

 

[Acanthi]

I'm proud of you for taking that step too! I overanalyse things as well and I feel like it makes me really unhappy... So that's smtg to work on for me.

Take care you, s*

 

[Kira]

High five @dtc for re-entering the dating scene after a long marriage. Good on you!

As others have mentioned, I also agree that you don't need to mention the details behind the tickets. It's not deceptive or bad in any way at all.

Now, as for you referring to yourself as a fraud... no such thing my friend! Not everyone on here is suicidal (myself included) I came across this forum after reading a story about Dying of Loneliness that Freya had written. This place is for anyone struggling in one way or another. So please, please don't ever feel like you are a fraud because you don't suffer as much as others do (or seem to) I always tell people that no one's pain is greater or lesser than another's.

We're all here because we need help, support, friendship. Whatever it may be. We're all just as worthy as each other! I hope you are well and please take care!