more intense.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    its late at nite and now the thoughts are more intense, should i take the pills so that I don't have another nite like the last, do i take the razor to cleanse my soul before i enter heaven...my heads all over the place. I want to die, I want to end the pain, the misery, the intense emotions that I can't deal with I want to stop men from hurting me anymore, i want to feel l clean and here on earth I can't do that. i'm not loved by any family, I was outcarsed...forgotton about, to them I'm better off dead, to me life scares me and death doesn''t.

    at nite I lay and look at the stars
    wondering if this will be my last
    a single tear falls from eye
    I have to ask myself and wonder why

    why mum u couldn't love me
    is their something so wrong with me
    that not once u could cuddle me
    or even listen to what I would say

    u couldn't even read a book
    not once would u even look
    look at me as ur daughter
    not this person u see as so mean

    I'm not nasty mum,
    I only ever wanted ur love
    I wanted u to be proud
    instead alone I stood in the croud.

    nothin I did was ever good enough
    you just stand, look at me and laugh
    it hurts mum
    it really hurts.

    I try to show u that I care
    but ur response is unfair
    why can't u be there
    even if u don't care

    mum please tell me what I have to do
    so u can just say the words I love u
    tell me what I need to say
    so can give me some of that care.

    all those years off feeling hurt
    has finally taken its toll.
    I don't have the answers
    and I know u won't ever tell

    it hurt so much to see u in pain
    I tried my best but it was o'so plain
    that u hated me from the time I was born
    I tried mum, I really tried.

    Inside i'm torn, never having felt ur love
    inside I'm dead, just waiting for the call from above
    don't be mad, or upset
    just try to forget

    U always said I was daddys little girl
    well mum now
    Im just daddys little suicide girl
     
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    its just how my luck works..i can't get into chat. i've tried and it fails just like me. I've got my ex calling, some guy i've not seen in ages sending me perverted messages and stalking me, following me..he's outside the flat now. I can't live in fear and danger anymore 28 years of being hurt, of feeling no worth, not ever being liked, or fitting in anywhere..lord knows i've tried..i've screamed, i've banged on doors to get better, but my friend depression keeps me down, death gives me the key to happiness and a place with no memories or feelings. sorry it was short...i hope u will all be ok. xx
     
  3. see

    see Well-Known Member

    I realy hope you found something to hold on to, it would be so sad if you could not hold on.Sorry I was not there for you .:sad:
     
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