More Reasons To End Myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Mar 30, 2013.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know I found another reason why I should die. Recently I have been starting to plan my move to another state. Far away from this place I hate. Then I think about my life there. I fantasize about how things will be. For starters I will not unpack my stuff. I mean no reason to do that. After all when I kill myself my family needs to take care of my personal affects quickly. So I will probably get a one bedroom place and sleep in the living room or something that way I can use my room as a giant storage unit. Where all my stuff can rot while I wait for my cat to die.

    The next thing I think about is my life how I will live it. The more I think about it the more I realize that I am only going to leave my apartment for two reason, food and the gym. When I say food I mean groceries. I am not going to go to any restaurants. I will just go to the grocery store and buy my food and start planning out my cooking schedule better. When it comes to the gym I am a bit torn on what I want to do. On one side I want to join a crossfit gym. On the other side I hate how much people want to socialize at the crossfit gym. If I got to a big gym, the no one will bother me and I will basically be unknown... but I do like the crossfit workouts. I am not sure what to do there. However, I want to continue my streak of not knowing anyone's name and having people wonder about mine. What to do what to do. Either way that will be the only way I will get out of the apartment. Well I guess if I have to travel for work then I will.. that is different though. Same with anime conventions, though I might stop going to those as well... I am not sure yet.

    I think the best part is when my family comes to visit and I tell them there is no point because I am not going to be able to do anything with them. I do not know any restaurants and my place is set up to entertain only one individual at a time. I do not intend on taking the donated couches with me. My roommate can deal with those. However, I know that the family will insist on coming over. That is the best part. The shock and horror they will receive when they see how I live and how I was not just trying to avoid them. That will be very funny. Then sad as they try and intervention.

    Then I think about my aging cat... I love my cat but I am not sure she will survive the trip. I cannot figure out if the trip will be less stressful if I drive or if I fly. Driving takes longer, but she will not be out of contact with me at all. Flying takes less time, with lots of time where I am not around her. That is the question. Part of me things she will just get so stressed out that she will have a heart attack or stroke or something. That would make me sad, and happy because once I was officially moved there I would <Mod Edit - Method>

    So I guess that whole bunch of crap before this was my way of saying that I should die because I want to leave so I can disappear. So many people dream of being able to afford to leave where they are and start a new life. Well I will start a new life. As that guy who is found dead in his apartment after his neighbors complain about his rotting corpse stinking up the place. I am not stupid enough to believe that a simple shift of location will make my life better. No I am smart enough to know that I am just a loser and there is nothing that I can do about that. I will be a loser here, there or anywhere. That is just how life is. There is nothing I can do about it either. The truth is I would die alone and unknown no matter what age I reach so might as well get it over with now. Yes, more of a reason why I should die.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2013
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I read your words and am sorry you feel so destined to die. I hope that you will not take your own life. I hope you can somehow find some reason to live.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply, however I doubt I will not kill myself when my cat dies. There is no just no reason for me to keep on going, besides wasting space.
     
  4. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    When you say this...

    ... what do you mean? How are you a loser?
     
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am too stupid to figure out how to Socialize. Therefore I am a loser
     
  6. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    Would you like to socialise?
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I would like to know that my lack of friends and sexual partners is a choice. Not the result of me being ugly, stupid, annoying, or a loser. Right now I do not have that knowledge and I am too stupid to figure out how it works
     
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