For those who dont know me a little back story. I am a recovering alcoholic. I havent drank since 2010. I was a 25 year boozer. In 2008 my family left me and wife filed for divorce. In late 2009 thanks in part to God's grace or just good fortune, we were reunited and the divorce cancelled. Since then we have struggled. Since 2009 I have also been playing in a local church praise band. I am their drummer. Since joining that band, weird things have happened that have caused my diagnosed depression and anxiety to kick up from time to time. One of those things has been finances. We have struggled since 2009 in particular with paying our natural gas bill. It got to the point last time we paid on it was Sept 2011. They shut us off on Monday. I have had friends that have helped me out financially before. A newer friend is trying to help but I have pissed her off, by the amount. Almost 1100 bucks we owe. One of best friends spoke truth to me, earlier this week. That incident and now this...I am right back at rock bottom again. This time, I have no intentions of coming out. The only thing I can rely on is saddness, despair and pain. I am going to treasure those feelings and hold them close. I never want to laugh again. Cause if I do, I will know it's only temporary. I am a fallen cursed man. I currently reside in hell, and have no desire to leave. Do yourselves a favor, dont become friends with me. I will only dissapoint you.