More self harm

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Summer/Autumn, Oct 7, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Summer/Autumn

    Summer/Autumn Active Member

    I know I shouldn't have, but I've just done it - and watched the blood fall in big fat blobs in the sink. Now I feel guilty and ashamed on top of everything else.

    All the professionals tell me I should give it up and stop doing it, but not one of them is great at showing me how and what to do instead, when I feel I need too do something. The real thing is - I just don't want to give it up. I deserve all the pain for being so useless.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you deserve all the compassion the kindness the hugs that will take the pain away not the cuts that only causes you more shame now. Next time go and do something very kind for you okay please try You are not useless that is old msgs given to you by someone that should be punished not you
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the site. You certainly do not deserve this, and although you feel that you need the pain, you do not deserve it at all.

    Strangely, my counsellor has no problem with me cutting and doesn't encourage me to stop, but I think that's because he knows that without it I wouldn't last very long at all.

    If you need the pain, try rubbing an ice cube on your skin instead of cutting. Even better, use red food dye in the water you freeze, so as it melts it looks a bit like blood.

    I think you should explain to these people that you need more help to stop. Ask them what they suggest you do instead, and tell them if it doesn't work.

    But never forget that you do not deserve to feel like this.

  4. Summer/Autumn

    Summer/Autumn Active Member

    Thanks both of you who have replied.

    I'm going to see one of my councilors in about an hour. But she just winds me up more - re-visiting distressing times from my past and then not mentioning them again. If she's not going to do anything about it, why ask?

    Apart from cutting, I also overdose a lot - but no one seems to care, all the councilors know about it and yet the do and say nothing.
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    How did it go today with your counsellor? It doesn't sound as though it's very helpful to be honest. I think if you can you need to try to explain how you feel about it. It's supposed to be helping you, and if it's not, surely it's just a painful waste of your time?

    Whether you pay directly for it or not, these people are being paid to help you and they can't help if they won't listen to you. You should be in charge of these situations, so that you feel in control. If you can, I think you should take control here and tell them exactly what you think. Remember that you are effectively their employer!

    I hope you can find the strength to take control of your care, as it's what you deserve.

  6. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    Even if you were useless as you claim, do you deserve pain and scaring. I personally as a cutter cannot see that as A relevant reason. I myself am useless, no purpose, just am, why, who the fuck knows. But we are who we are, cutters, can't get away from it. It's just the reasons why, does that certain situation deserve it.

    I myself have strayed and cut for obscure reasons, did the other night, really fucked my arm up. Do I regret it , yes, the reason was meek, yet I did it. Shall I stray again probably, we all dofrom time to time,but we need to try our best to resist such temptation. I shall try my best!
  7. Summer/Autumn

    Summer/Autumn Active Member


    Thanks for asking Madam Mim.

    I asked the counsellor just exactly what was she hoping to achieve by these appointments. Know what she said? She was just talking to me to see if she could counsel me. Said it was up to me to tell her what I wanted to be councelled for. It's taken her 10 one hour appointments to get to that. If I knew what the problem was I could sort it myself! I told her the effects of these appointments on me - namely more cutting and overdosing because I feel so frustrated with what she does and all she said to that was - ummm. And then at the end of the appointment had the cheek to ask me if I wanted to make another appointment. Came home and took a large overdose to kill myself but as you can see I'm still here, so I'm so useless I can't even get that right.
  8. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    what a bitch. is there any chance you could see someone else ?

    please dont hurt yourself, you DO NOT deserve this. no one does.

    take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.
  9. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you told her how you felt, I think it's important for her to know, especially when all she's been doing is working out if she can counsel you at all! To echo kess, what a bitch. I assume you didn't make another appointment, but I don't think you should let the experience put you off counselling entirely. It's just a case of finding the right person.

    I'm so sorry she upset you so much and you had to overdose. I'm glad you're ok - you do not deserve to die. You haven't failed - people have failed you. You're not pathetic, either.

    Keep talking to us, and know that we are here for you and understand your pain.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.