More than ready.....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by expressive_child, Jan 7, 2008.

  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Last year, I made a vow that I will commit suicide before or at my 24th birthday which is just months away from today. Hell, its been a long way now and here I am, still alone, still on my own, still couldn't give a fuck about tomorrow. Since nobody including God knows shit about being me, there ain't no reasons for me to be afraid cause its worth risking it, whether I am going to hell after this or not it doesn't matter cause if God does exist, then he has brought me into this fucked up existence and there will be no surprises if he still wants me to go to hell and suffer even more after all the shit that he has put me through.

    So, if there really is no God, then this life is definitely a waste of time for sure. In other words, I shouldn't have existed even and one thing for sure, I shouldn't even be typing this cause like I said, I shouldn't have existed. Each and everyday, I am going through more and more suffering and pain, and I can only watch as my slightest hopes, people that I truly love slip away from me, and even the smallest reasons to smile dies day after day. Hell, if I am indeed born to die, this is adequate to tell me that its true. Like the song goes 'death is no dream, for in death I am caressing you'. This is in a way true, cause maybe I can find the ones I love when I die, but then, I may go to hell or totally disappeared after that.

    Dammit......what can I say? If its meant to be over, it will be somehow, so I guess there is nothing I can do about it. Looking at myself, can't describe just how fucked up I am already at this point. Hell, life truly is shit........