More Thoughts (This time for real)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by artikchill, Mar 19, 2009.

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  1. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    I just started to have thoughts again, this time I might end up going through with it by the end of the night.

    I went to go and see my son yesterday and to see his mother. Well me and his mother had a long talk about what was going on between me and her and things kind of got emotional in no time flat. We discussed things, talked about our future (If we where going to work things out and try to get back together)

    Well I took my son to the park and it was the most intense feeling in the world to a point to where I broke down in tears because he was having a good time, laughing, playing with other kids and I also took him on the slides and he is only 8months old.

    Well things started to get bad again after I left that night. I texted her three time to tell her to have a good day and hope she got some rest. She replied back to them saying "I would really appreciate it if you didn't text me all the time" and "It makes me feel really uncomfortable" but the day before that she wanted to hold me, touch me and wanted to lay on me... this makes me kindy feel used to a point and I don't know what to do.

    I have stuff (Not saying due to rules) setting here right next to me ready to be done. I don't know what to do...

    Four days ago she blow my phone up all morning to get a hold of me, she calls me at 2am in the morning when she goes on lunch and I took her and my son to their doctor appointment and then the following happened. Please help me.
  2. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to say but you are again a person who is a victim of the Westernized version of God and the morals.....

    You think about everything like its your fault or whatever...

    I was born being robbed and chained to a wall by crooked cops yet at 19 I knew God existed...

    At that time, murder was fine with me.......

    Now, that is not OK with me...

    But have you forgotten the true God?? See my horrible example....

    The true god does not shy away from violence or trouble....

    is not afraid..........

    Why are you afraid?

    P.S. I guess I'm just saying... If I could be robbed, chained to a wall, threatened with death, etc........ and I still believe in the God........ How can you be afraid of anything?? I stared down death at least 4 times... I'm alive still. And I'll still f*** anyone up for ANY reason.

    I'm sure this problem could be minimal in comparison to the guns in my face and etc.....
  3. nightowl15

    nightowl15 Active Member

    You may be being used or you maight not be but the important thing is that you have got your son to care for. so even you and your girl dont get back together, at least you have your son.
  4. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    It's gotten alot worse now. She has called me yelling at me for no apparent reason, she has also deleted me from her myspace as well as said I stole her pics to add to mine (They where my son and her when she was pregnant) I can't take this any longer.

    I told her I added them to tell people how proud I am of her and my son. After I told her that's what I did she came back and just started to curse me out not understanding why I had them up there. I am tired of getting my hopes up and then she shots them down. She keeps calling me and I want to pick it up but I know what it's about and she just wants to yell at me for something... I really don't know what to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2009
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Hey James,

    Here are my thoughts on this.

    You should tell her, that while you love her, and will always have a place in your heart for her, that you simply can not have her yelling at you.

    You need to stand up now. You have been knocked down. Knock off the dust, grab your cowboy hat and get back up on that horse.

    Only this time, when you ride off, it will be for you.

    What I am trying to say is that, dont let her emotional issues control you.

    You are your own person. Yes she is the mother of your child. But right now, you need to focus on you.

    It sounds to me like she has you running ragged.

    I would simply tell her, that when she is in a mind to talk like adults, then you will be open to discussing things with her. However if she is going to keep yelling at you and putting you on an emotional rollercoaster, then you simply can not talk to her.

    You can't let her dictate your emotions. Now it the time for YOU!

    I know it ain't gonna be easy. Anyway...that was just my thoughts.

    Take care,

  6. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    I told her earlier today when I tried to talk to her. I told her I wanted to be proud and then she goes on and tells me to "USE THE PICS YOU TOOK" and not steal hers. Her family was mostly the only ones there due to the fact I tried to keep everything settled due to my family not liking her at all. This was out of respect.

    I have no clue why but I tried to be nice and just get her family there and not mine. So, therefore I have no picks of them or my son for that matter.
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