I don't know what is going through my head lately over the past week. I have everything going for me but my thoughts just aren't right. I was awake early this morning going through every detail on how I would kill myself, things I have access to, every scenario on what I could do in case one thing wasn't an option. Why my thoughts are going there, I have no idea. I have a trip coming up soon I'm looking forward to with my oldest daughter. A week trip to my in laws. I don't want to ruin it. I know I need to tell my husband these thoughts but I don't want to tell him before the trip. If anything, maybe after. Hopefully the thoughts will be gone by then. I just don't want to go back inpatient if I can avoid it. As far as me being safe right now, I'm alright (safe). I just want these thoughts to go away.