Most of you

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pit, Nov 22, 2009.

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  1. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I think most of you suicidal youngsters, as miserable as you're feeling, still have a pretty bright future. I think most of your problems will work themselves out.

    Me, however, I think I'm beyond hope. Maybe it's just a shit day, but I'm feeling pretty rejected and dejected. You know, I just graduated from a school last year that put me on a successful career path, and that is what I'm doing right now. You think I should feel pretty good, right? Well, I did at first. But now I don't enjoy anything. In fact, I wanna bite the hand that feeds me. It's such an obligation to try to be successful in this fucking world. I wish I were a vegetable with absolutely nothing running through my head.

    I'm in my mid 40s. From my experience, the chronic difficulties stem from me; my personality is ugly, my thoughts are usually ugly. Physically, I'm frail, I'm usually sick half the time. Socially, everything is 10 x more difficult. The few relationships that I do have I know are going to fall apart. And sex doesn't interest me anymore. You know, I feel like fucking everything up. Being on the straight and narrow and being well-adjusted somehow straightjackets me. I do have the type of career where I'm vulnerable to a lawsuit, but that doesn't faze me. At this point, I welcome destruction.

    I know I'm bitching. It's been a long, long time since I came here to update you on how I'm really feeling, but this shitty day sure has inspired me to do so. How else would I feel when I have nobody to talk to?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well i am glad you came here just to vent and let some of that out. You are still very young 40 is not old Your angry another side of depression i hear. I hope you have a therapist to talk to if not maybe get one and get on some meds too if your not already. If you are change up your meds to something newer. Everyone has a right to vent and let go and i am glad you felt safe to do that here take care i hope tomorrow is a better day.
     
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    You mention meds and therapy as if they're candy, as if it were the easiest thing to do, but Aetna is screwing me, and I can barely afford health insurance much less meds. It's one other reason life is beyond frustrating for me. You would think these should be easily affordable since they're necessary but they're not. The government will spend millions on its moronic military, but leave people with health concerns out in the cold. Otherwise, thanks for your concern.
     
  4. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

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