I think most of you suicidal youngsters, as miserable as you're feeling, still have a pretty bright future. I think most of your problems will work themselves out. Me, however, I think I'm beyond hope. Maybe it's just a shit day, but I'm feeling pretty rejected and dejected. You know, I just graduated from a school last year that put me on a successful career path, and that is what I'm doing right now. You think I should feel pretty good, right? Well, I did at first. But now I don't enjoy anything. In fact, I wanna bite the hand that feeds me. It's such an obligation to try to be successful in this fucking world. I wish I were a vegetable with absolutely nothing running through my head. I'm in my mid 40s. From my experience, the chronic difficulties stem from me; my personality is ugly, my thoughts are usually ugly. Physically, I'm frail, I'm usually sick half the time. Socially, everything is 10 x more difficult. The few relationships that I do have I know are going to fall apart. And sex doesn't interest me anymore. You know, I feel like fucking everything up. Being on the straight and narrow and being well-adjusted somehow straightjackets me. I do have the type of career where I'm vulnerable to a lawsuit, but that doesn't faze me. At this point, I welcome destruction. I know I'm bitching. It's been a long, long time since I came here to update you on how I'm really feeling, but this shitty day sure has inspired me to do so. How else would I feel when I have nobody to talk to?