Mother Dearest?

It turns out that misery does indeed like company. How would I know this? Well, my life thus far proves such a fact. I come from a fairly normal family; my family moved here from a foreign country, all very normal, had kids, etc. I was first child to my mother and father, and they had one more child, my little brother, two years after I was born. Sounds normal right? That's where you're wrong.

It all began when I reached grade 9. Going into highschool, all of that. It seemed like life was turning good, but it wasn't. My mother suddenly lost all faith in me, and began shouting at me for no reason. She used swear words in her mother tongue to address me, almost never using my real name. In fact, she never has used my real name till this date. I ignored that and pulled through, despite how much she would be hoarding over me. While my brother, who never did anything aside of sit down infront of the TV and play video games, didn't get shouted at at all. I would clean the house, cook, etc. But I still got called lazy and incompetent compared to my brother. That seemed fine, I dealt with it.

But grade 11 got worse. She began hitting me, choking me, throwing stuff at me. At some point, she even threw a chair and hit me with it. It hurt physically, but that stopped eventually, but emotionally I would cry each time. My father was never here to help, he was in the US doing work. So I kept up with this, till one day it got too much and I ran away from home. I wouldn't have come back were it not for my uncle bringing me back, and my grandfather begging me to stay. I am very fond of my grandfather. He's always been around for me, and I don't know where I would be if he hadn't been around to make me stay.

This continued on, I tried running away at least five times, and each time I got further than the last. It wasn't till grade 12 when I felt so depressed, I considered suicide. I looked up many methods on the internet, considered which would work effectively. But my lack of knowledge didn't help me realize that painkillers can't kill you. I took tylenol extra strength pills, at least thirty of them, and went to sleep. It didn't kill me; I woke up the next morning vomiting at each interval of 10 minutes. By the end of the day, I could eat somewhat, but still felt sick.

This wasn't the end of it. My brother went to live with my father, because he wanted to study there. My mother turned so horribly ignorant, she went far enough to stab at me with a knife. I had a hurt shoulder, but moreso, a hurt ego and I felt horrible. I took advil pills, and began cutting. This didn't kill me. And the pain in my arms never came; it felt as if I lost all feelings there.

This has since continued on. I'm still in grade twelve, and just recently my father visited. He stood up for me once, and when I was alone with my mother, she called me the 'other woman' in her husbands life. How could she say that? I'm her daughter. It was so horrible, I cried and cried. All of my friends have noticed the cut marks, and my over depression. They claim I'm withdrawing from them, and that I'm nowhere near who I was before.

But moreso, my thoughts are constantly turning to suicide. I don't feel like living; not with all of this going on. My mother just doesn't care for anyone. She shouts at me, her own father who means the world to me, and everyone. I even found out she's hid her whole life from me; like that she had a first marriage. She didn't even tell me that? What point is there? Maybe suicide really is the only way out of this...

 

oh I'm so sorry you have to put up with that treatment...it's not right....
I think it's a problem with your Mum and not you..it's not your fault ...seems like she needs some help with her behaviour...
do you see a doctor or a councelor?...I think it would help to talk to someone about your situation....
can you go live with your father or maybe your grandfather??..have you told them how bad you are feeling?....
maybe someone here will have some better ideas to help you....
I hope you keep posting..
take care and hugs.........
you can keep talking to us and I hope it helps a little..