mother has alzheimers

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Takotsubo, Mar 6, 2015.

  1. Takotsubo

    Takotsubo Well-Known Member

    she pisses me off. before she was ill she couldn't do things on her own because she didn't have the smarts to do it . Now that she has Alzheimer its worse! she didn't like to eat much before because she wanted to look after her "figure" NOW she thinks she already has eaten when she didn't eat anything the whole damn day! she waves at the tv like a dumb ass thinking they can see her.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Takotsubo. I'm sorry your mother's condition is upsetting. I remember how frustrating it was when my father began to have dementia. He couldn't remember things, asked questions again and again, didn't always understand his surroundings. His whole body slowed down and even getting him ready to get in the car could take up to half an hour. There were many times when it felt like he was dawdling on purpose, but of course he wasn't. He was just old and suffering the physical and mental condition of aging and dementing.

    Things got better (less frustrating) when I realized I wasn't being as reasonable as I could be. He wasn't actually "choosing" to be that way - it was happening "to him". "Dear old Dad just isn't all here, doesn't get it/can't get it anymore, moves too slowly/can't move fast anymore." He's gone now, and I miss him every day, and wish there were chances to help him on with his shoes, or lunches to "miss" with him, or an afternoon to push him around in his wheelchair.

    I know it's hard when a parent has been difficult long before there is old age/Alzheimer's/dementia. It makes it hard to feel as generous as we might if they had only been kinder/more giving themselves in the past. Maybe if you take away the element that this is your "mother", and just think of her as a somewhat befuddled, aging woman, it could help. Neither you nor she can change the past, and with Alzheimer's, she is not able to control her world, her body, or her mind anymore.
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm really sorry to hear about your mother Takotsubo. I nurse patients with dementia, who are all at different stages in their disease and I see the devastating effect the disease has on them and their loved ones. Unfortunately it can be very frustrating to deal with at times, because their short term memory is so badly affected so things seem very repetitive and I appreciate how mentally draining that can be. A lot of people with dementia can no longer register when they are hungry or constantly feel full, so they have no desire to eat. It may be worth looking at some dietary supplements for your mum to ensure that she is managing as close to the daily recommended intake as possible, things like Ensure (I think that's what it's called over there) and there are other things like pro cal shots, calogen shots, build up shakes and soups and scandishakes. There are LOTS of different dietary supplements out there. Your mother may also be having difficulties in swallowing as the swallowing reflex declines as the dementia advances so that may be another reason why she is not eating or struggling to eat so you may want to get that checked out. Do you get much help from health services with your mother's dementia, have they educated you about the illness, and what to expect, and what to do when the disease advances she can no longer manage at home? It's a very complex disease, not only is physical and mental health affected, but socially also. There are a lot of things to consider. I specialise in dementia so I am very knowledgeable in the area, so if you would like to talk about anything, you are welcome to PM me any time. I'm not sure what help is out there in the USA, but there are a lot of charities here in the UK for older people and dementia so hopefully there should be similar in the states. They can guide you and advise you if you are struggling to cope and may be able to arrange some sort of respite for you and your mum.
  4. liktheangel

    liktheangel Active Member

    I'm sorry about your mother. I can understand how it must be difficult for you. I think you should def. take the advice of Acy and Butterfly. Do you have a support system? You should find people that can help you.