Mother-In-Law From Hell

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Pepsi Mouse, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. Pepsi Mouse

    Pepsi Mouse Member

    Right, I'm try and sum this up as best I can without rambling or forgetting anything relevent. Please bare with me, and if there's any questions that pop to mind; just ask and I will answer.

    I've been seeing my boyfriend since last December. Neither of us have any intention of giving-up on eachother, but his mum has been a constant pain since the very beginnng. She judged me before she even knew me and she has never given me a chance or had any intention of trying to get along with me.

    Her problem started-off because I'm seven years older than my boyfriend. However, we are both adults and it's not like I've got after a minor or anything. Infact, when he asked me out I was worried because I was older. But I spoke to friends and stuff and none of them see the problem. Had our ages been swapped; I wouldn't have seen a problem either. I just don't like being old. :p Well, older.

    I've even spoken to strangers (policemen - but I'll explain why later) and they can't see a problem with the age gap either. She's just a control freak and another reason she doesn't like me is because I've been clueing him in to just how badly she treats him and the wrongful things she's been doing (such as what I'm about to mention below briefly).

    She constantly slags me off behind my back, lies about me, and she has always treated my boyfriend like shit. Even before I knew him. She's a horrible woman who tells him what he can and can't do, who he can and can't see, where he can and can't go, steals money from him (and more recently; his mobile phone), hits him, and uses him as her verbal punchbag.

    And it's not as if they just don't get on, like a mother-son thing. Because she used to treat his older sister badly too (hence why she moved out). And when my boyfriend came to stay with me for a while, his mum moved on to treating the next child down (age-wise) like crap too.

    But in our case, she gets to use me as a scape-goat for everything!! If there's ever a problem - I'm to blame. Hell, he got a stomache bug (which I didn't have) and she blamed it on me!!

    This woman (and his dad when he gets involved - though he can't anymore coz he threatened me with violence, so we reported him) is an absolute nightmare!

    My boyfriend broke-up with me very recently because he thought he was hurting me all the time. He wasn't. I have alot of problems because of my depression and past relationships (not just my two ex's, but friends and family and stuff). But they're not his fault at all. I got very easily upset and worried over even the littlest things and I blamed him for it because I couldn't seperate past from presant. It's a very long story regarding my issues, so I'll save it for another time as this is about his mum.

    Anyhoo, we still both loved and wanted to be with eachother. He was just scared of hurting me again. But we talked things through and I explained why he's never actually hurt me and explained about my problems and we're back together. But now we have a huge problem. His mum has stuck her nose in again!

    She's told him that of he even speaks to me; she'll disown him and throw him out. She also continuessly tells him if he picks me over her that he'll never be able to see or speak to any of his family again.

    Now, I have already told him that, no matter what; his mum can not control him or anybody else. If the rest of his fmaily want to speak to him; it's their decision, not her's.

    If he gets kicked-out; he can come here. The problem there is that he's doing an extra year at college this year and it's about an hour and a half to two hours away from here. And his timetable sucks! So it'd better for him to stay at home for the moment. But "the moment" means like, the next six months!

    So for the next six months we can hardly ever see eachother and he can't stay over. Because she always demands to know where he's going anf who with. And if she thinks he's seeing me; she'll kick him out.

    Once he goes to Uni in about six months, he won't be living there anyways as he'll either be here with me, or on campus (depending on which of the Unis he picks and which is more effective money-wise). Either way; his mum won't be able to kick him out anymore because he will already be out!

    But my problem is; six months of hardly ever seeing him. And that I feel like I'm being hidden from everyone and I start to wonder if there is an alterior motive. I know why it has to be done, and I know it's probably because I've been cheated on by someone else in the past. But I'm just feeling insecure about it all. We can't even tell any of our friends because it's possible someone has leaked information to his mum about us before.

    She found out I went to meet him on his college break once (a few weeks back before she "banned him from seeing me" and she said she would leave us alone now - ha, yeah right) eventhough he told no one. I posted about it on my internet diary/journal, I think. And I spoke to a few friends about it whilst on MSN. He doesn't think she knows about my online diary/journal, so either someone saw us and told her, she has spies, or someone we know who I talked to has told her.

    I'm sure you're thinking; so what, he was on a break so where's the problem with me meeting-up with him when he asked me to. And this is exactly my point; there IS no problem. But she makes out as if there is one!! He had a long break as he has one lesson first thing and one lesson last thing that day. He had no work to be doing during this break. He had nothign else planned. He asked if I'd like to meet-up in the town near the college and see him and have some lunch 'n' stuff. Yet she makes out I'm committing a crime by going to see him. o_O

    Which reminds me; she told him (yesterday I think it was) that if he talks to me or sees me she's going to take a restraining order out on me so I can't go near him. I told him I thought that was rubbish because he's an adult and one adult can not control who another adult sees, etc. If anyone was going to take a restraining order out for him against me; it would have to be him.

    But she told him that his consent would not nullify the order. I said I'd call the police and ask (note; she didn't know we were talking). I called the police and the lady told me she was talking rubbish and I shouldn't be worried and neither should my boyfriend. I explained about the situation briefly and she couldn't believe how controlling his mum is. She also advised me to go to my local station and report her for the threat just so it's on log.

    So I did. I even explained to the police man who was taking my statement, about the age problem she has and he laughed. He really could not see the problem. He also said the idea of her getting a restraining on me is stupid and getting one on someone is a big deal and difficult anyways. And seeing as I don't beat him or destroy his belongings, or do anything to him; even if he wanted to get one on me; he couldn't. Not that he does - hahaha!!

    But yeah, he also said if I have any problems from her; I can report her. Also, if she comes to my house or something (which she probably would if she finds out or suspects my boufriend of being here); I can call the police and she will be removed from the premises.

    The police man made it clear that: she has no control/rights over my boyfriend or myself. We can do what we like, with who we like, when we like.

    Also, I forgot to ask but; doesn't what she's doing to my boyfriend count as harrassment or something anyways?

    But anyway, sorry for such a long post. I was just looking to vent and to ask any advice. My boyfriend is going to try and talk to his mum in a couple of weeks and tell her he loves me and wants to get back in contact with me (not that we're already together though). But I doubt that'll do much good because I really don't think she gives a damn about his happiness.

    When we broke-up he was in tears the whole time, same as me. And all she did was steal his mobile phone, ban him from contacting me, and threaten what I mentioned above. And she's also been slagging me off and stuff to him (he tells her to shut up though and that nothing she has ever thought or said about me has even been right/true).
  2. mb75

    mb75 Well-Known Member

    Hello Pepsi:
    Your mother in law sounds like a real nuisance..... Your bf should have gone to the police when she stole his phone, come on, he is an adult too and while I understand that it is his mother, well that is no reason for him to take shit from her.... my mother was/is the same and i stopped speaking to her about 8 years ago and when she realised she couldn't control me she eventually gave up.... mother's like that don't change and don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and having control over the world..... I also want to tell you that when there is a will there is a way and even if your bf's school is 2 hours away from your home, it is much better than living with her, living with her is not healthy and all he is doing is telling her that she is either afraid of him or willing to do anything she says, which is just giving her the most pleasure....
    You mentioned towards the end that your bf is going to tell his mom that he still loves you, etc etc etc... TO HELL WITH THAT!!!!! he doesn't owe her no explanation, he is a big boy and has to tell her or explain nothing, if I were you I would tell him to pack his bags and come by you... living 2 hours away isn't that far, thousands of people do it on a daily basis, and in 6 months he can live on campus or whatever it is he was planning to do but if he really loves you, he would move out this weekend and come by you....
    That woman needs some serious psychiatric help and neither you nor your bf owe her anything so stop doing what she wants.
    it is your life and his life.........Anyway, I do hope everything turns out ok for you guys as it sounds like you really love each other....Let us know what happens
  3. GypsyGirl

    GypsyGirl Well-Known Member

    Age is but a number really. My mom and dad were eleven years apart - and she had nay-sayers in her family that gave them only six months. They were married for thirty years... until my father passed away. :cupid2: Love is love... it doesn't see age or color or anything of the sort. It amazes me that others just can't be happy for those who find it.

    I hope that woman realizes that by acting that way, not only will she lose a son, but also a lovely daughter in law as well. Some people just can't stand not being in total control - and it truly is a terrible thing. I am so sorry that you are suffering through this. :hug: I'll keep you in my thoughts.