Mothers depression and karma

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Erika, Jun 4, 2007.

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  1. Erika

    Erika Account Closed

    Ok, this is quite a serious post. I am very very lost i just dont know what to do. Ill put my story down here maybe someone will have some insight.

    I am 23, female. Originaly from lithuania (eastern europe). Came to london when i was 13 with my mum.

    Now she is going totally mad and i dont mean spontanious mad just very depressed, zombie like, cant sleep well (wakes up at 4 from what she said) and worries constantly. I am soooo worried about her.

    I mean my grandma had same problems where she was going to psychiatric hospital every 3 months. My grandmas sister is still alive and she is gone, just sits there in the chair and now licks her lips constantly (basically she is not thinking anymore from what i understand). Also, i hurd my grand grand mother had some serious problems.

    I mean i can see the picture so clearly, this disease following us, karma or just brain disease, a gene that activates it self.

    I now, suffer from social phobia, anxiety (excessive i think), depression i think cos i do feel suicidal. I have not been diagnosed with any though but im sure i will.

    So yes, im trying to help my mum now after not talking to her after 6 months (cos we argue). She doesnt help me, she even made everything worse for me when i was strugling to stand on my own 2 feet this year.

    And yes i saw her today and she is either very very ill or bad. I mean she kind of bites me methaporically. She hurts me and my feelings, i just dont know how i can help her? Shes starting to look iller, i mean especially after 6 months.

    Its as though this black force is trying to consume as all. I dont want her to become a zombie my heart would brake. I could never carry such burden.

    I see suicide as a very good escape from this force, karma or whather, because i know that my turn will come. I just really do. Ok most of my relatives didnt have as much resources as i have in UK now but i dont think anything will help. I mean ive started having problems (a panic attack and insomnia) at the end of 17 years old. Im so scared.

    She kinda laughts at me that im weaker, which i think i am. I mean i dont know maybe she cant help herself. And its not like a loud laugh just a split expression.

    I dont know how i can deal with the situation, i mean i am a student now studying complementary therapies - stress management and mainly to help myself because i though my mum will be ok but from what i can see she is not . I feel like im in hell after seeing her state after so long. I know i added up to all the stress by trying to have a brake from her and i feel guilty, thats all that came out of it. I just dont know what to do. Shes my MUM and i love her so much. I cant sacrifice my life for her but i cant see her turn into a zombie.

    Where is God. I mean maybe we need to learn some kind of lesson from all of this. Like to love one another, sacrifise etc. All the helping her is taking so much out of me. I saw her 2 and i think ive lost like 1kg, i dont eat much and the sleep varies.

    She also seems jealous of me but i understand that when you feel very bad thats what happens. Maybe im too selfish not to sacrifice some of my energy for her, at least till september (even though i have to start work experience at the end of this month) but i dont even believe that she will get better and she has also done so much bad to me in the past. I mean the way she brought me up and stuff, she used to leave me sometimes and still now she is laughing to my face and i dont even know whether its due to her illness.

    I actually feel im too ill myself - to help.

    Also, she has a very very different culture to english so, i have no ideas how she would come in seeing a psychologist here and to go back for a couple of years to her country i think might be too much of a change.

    I just dont know. I mean this country is blessed in a way that people can get some social worker if they feel very bad but i have no ideas how shell come with the whole thing. I dont know what to do. If i knew that my giving away my youth for her she would not decline to a certain point (which i have in my mind) then i would do it.

    I dont know, maybe i should pray every day. I just dont know where to turn.

    Thanks for reading this if anyone has done xx
  2. Syd

    Syd Guest

    It sounds to me like you've been doing all you can to help your mother, you should be proud of that.

    Remember to focus on your own life too. Find some good friends, take some time to chill out, you deserve it. Maybe another family member can help your mother, contact someone about it if you're worried about her.

    I have plenty of personal experience with social anxiety, depression, and insomnia, since I've been dealing with these problems for years. I can suggest some simple lifestyle changes as well as medications to help with anxiety, and to improve sleep. If you have specific questions, just contact me through PM or post here.

    Your mother will probably be fine, you're just worrying too much. Doctors will be available if there is ever a major problem. It's the summer time, so enjoy life and relax. Hope you feel better soon. :]
  3. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Erika, youre doing a good job with helping your mum. :hug: Its very difficult to help someone, who doesnt recognize to be ill. Just in case it gets real bad with her, what seems like mood swings to me, you might ask your gp and get some help from him. Futhermore, good look with you studying and please take care of yourself hun :arms:
    Beret xxx
  4. Erika

    Erika Account Closed

    Thank you. Yes i think she has bad mood swings as well and yes we are registering with a doctor now. Cant wait to get into mental health support system. Im just scared what if we do register but have to wait for a psychologist for too long or that i cant keep her in the line anymore. I mean, one minutes she thinks she should see someone then she thinks she shouldnt so you know im only 23 and in a normal circumstances, i would probably be taking her advise and let her make her own decisions.

    I was with her yesterday, everything seemed to be fine is just that she acts more like a kid now and it is hard for us to communicate in some ways. I have menatl problems myself i think and sometimes i get angry with her as though blame her for a lot of my suffering. Its mad basically, i just dont want it to get worse.

    Thanks for the replies.
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