The end No more pain No more joy No more tears No more smiles No more anxieties No more satisfactions No pressure to achieve No more achievements No more hatred No more love No more dark nights No more splendid sunrises No more frustrations No more accomplishments No more angry words No more terms of endearment NO MORE and amputation that you imagined as a clean surgical cut but instead is a bloody, jagged me that won't heal and soils everyone you ever cared about and cared about you. We are left, puzzled, bloodied, wounded No longer vibrant , whole confident Now we go forth handicapped, missing an essential limb, that will never be replaced and always longed for. Your legacy, sorrow, betrayal, anger, guilt. An ignoble reciprocation of so much love You should have chosen to stay, fight, argue fail disappoint me and keep streching the narrow confines of my perimeter. Instead you are gone I am stagnant, in stupor I view my world and fear to face the agonizing beauty and pain of life I think of joining you and realize you took the best part of me with you. In this zombie state, I wander in the shadow world The atrium of death where I must decide which exit left or right, left into cold night right into the endless struggle and bloody battles of life. No longer equipped for the fight, minimized traumatized disregarded anguished. I curl up in this atrium and lick my wounds that will not heal and look inside to find purpose to reinvent my life to reinvest my energies to find my courage that will allow me to foolishly continue with this life. No longer whole, No longer young trustful gay but, bloodied old tired a shadowy remnant of my old self I set out to continue alone.