motivation for living

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Goneofftrack, Sep 28, 2013.

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  1. Goneofftrack

    Goneofftrack Member

    To anybody who is here, im really sorry for the way you are feeling, I know what a dark and lonely world that can be. I was doing well, I haven't attempted in about 5 years. But things have gone from bad to worse. Now im back in frame of mind I want to end my life. I never wanted to live always felt that way since I was a child, too many things for me to deal with. Mom having cancer, granddad and neighbour dying from cancer at same time, protecting my two best friends from alcoholic parents, all happening before I turned 13. But I was able to find strength by clinging on to one person, I felt cared about me or was a inspiration. Right now im shit out of luck. I have no friends, no real family, I had a nurse but she is retiring and im not getting another. The only thing keeping me half alive, my life support machine if you like, was my long term bf. His made the last 6 months of my life so happy, so special, and so perfect. But in last 3/4 weeks, his returned to uni,and his got a 2nd job. I barely got a chance to talk to him on the fone never mind see him in person. 2nite we discussed how it was making both of us feel, and we ended up. So now I'm completely 100% on my own, I have nothing to convenice that I shud continue living my life, cuz I have nobody I feel I should hold for, or to.

    I don't expect sympathy I know suicidal thinking is selfish, I know it has a ripple affect and can hurt those around me, altho I really feel deep down nobody cares. I aware nobody has a magic wand to make this all ok. I'm not even sure I am writing this, but here it is.

    Funny thing is, ever since this evening, he told me we wouldn't work, I thought of suicide, and the idea of ending my life doesn't seem upsetting or scary, rather I feel sort of happy and getting a since of relief. I don't have to battle against anything more. The war is over :yield:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You deserve someone that will love you hun and not walk away ok You can find that right guy you can but you need to get up and go back to college volunteer get out and meet someone else ok If he does not have any further feelings for you then time to move on to someone better hun You deserve that ok
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