"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light" - Aristotle Onassis On internet there are a endless amount of quotes like the one above. Quotes that try to tell us that life is worth it and what we make of i or that the solutions to our problems are within ourselves. The quotes are there to motivate us to keep up the fight against the monsters we meet throughout our life. For a very long time I have thought of quotes as just words; words someone said along time ago and to me they seemed too hollow to really motivate me. Actually I got kind of irritated and frustrated by such quotes. They gave me the a feeling of failure because regardless off how many I read and who was quoted, the moment I turned my attention somewhere else they faded and did not keep my motivation going; and motivation is crucial. If I wanted the motivation to be permanent or at least last longer, I had to find something that would be relevant no matter the situation and problem and something that would be in my sight at all times. By in my sight I do not mean literally in eye sight at alle times, but that it had to be something that would come to mind at any time. Because if it should be able to keep the motivation going it had to be important at any time and reached very easily. Whenever I found myself in a very difficult place the same thing kept staying important and even though I did not make the connection at first, it could keep my motivation going at all times. It took me a long time and a lot of analyzing past situations, to even get close to figuring out what could be strong and precious enough to keep me going. The situations that needed to be analyzed were the ones where I found myself at the edge of life but turned around instead of jumping. To be totally honest I have found myself in such places quite a few times in the past seven years; places where my depression convinced me that the best thing to do was to leave and then finally get some peace. But even though I was truly convinced, I somehow managed to pause at the edge, turn myself around and walk back in to safety. For a long time I was puzzled by what could made me come to my sences and literally keep me alive. Even though I searched for the answer through several months, I did not seem to find the answer at all. The answer came to me while I was talking to a friend about something totally unrelated to the search. My friend commented on the evening news and a story about a man who lost his life in a terrible accident. She kept talking about the family, the extreme sorrow they where going through and how awful it must feel like to loose a loved one. Her words and her sympathetic insight really got to me and kept me thinking for a long time. After a long time I understood that the answer to my question was the feelings and the strong bond people often feel towards their family. The thing that kept me here was thoughts of my family and the fact that I would hurt them inexcusable. Actually the answer was straights forward and very obvious; because the last thing I would do would be hurting my loved ones. I therefor tried to use this knowledge intentionally and thereby keep myself from the edge. Then I found myself at the edge I tried my best to keep my loved ones in sight. By in my sight I do not mean literally in eye sight but I mind. I tried to tell myself that if I could not stay alive for myself I had to stay alive for my loved ones. This became my general rule or sentence when ever I moved towards the edge. Sometimes it definitely made the differens and sometime I was stopped by pure luck or the help of others; but the main thing is that it worked and still do. "If you can not stay for yourself then stay for your loved ones" -Berg And then we are back to the thing we began with; a quote. Not a quote by one of the worlds great thinkers and philosophers but one by me. You could say it is a little reminder from my former self to my future self that when ever I want to give in and jump, I have to consider that even though I get rid of the pain I will just transfer it to my loved ones. And I will to an awful lot to prevent that for happening. My motivation to keep up the fight and to get better is the fact that I will not burden my family with the great sorrow of loosing a loved one.