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Motivation to Live

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Will, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Last night, I was talking to my friend....

    My parents have been presuring me again lately, and I got so frustrated. Normally I'm not one to cut as block for pain, and I can usualy just cope, but I need cutting for the aftermath, when I feel alone, when I know that I don't have many..if any, real friends.

    But last night, I wanted to bleed like I did 2 weeks ago. When I had made the deepest cut yet. However last night, I made a bigger one, even deeper. It felt good, but...I don't know.

    I quit my job just recently. And I only have like 15 months until I'm 18. And it's like...I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. I don't have that dediacation, that responsiblity. And it's things like these that make me worry I'm going to kill myself.

    It really worries me that when I think of killing myself...I'm happy, like, relieved. That...it's better off. I don't think many would care...not to be arrogant. It's just...you know, I don't think I have any real friends. Who am I?...I don't even exist.

    Sometimes I know that I'm going no where, and I am nowhere. I just feel like the more I wait, and hope, nothing happens.

    I'm sorry....
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    I've been having an awful week, too. Today, while at work, I had the most irrational urge to just start cutting everything and with anything I could find. I was practically shaking and pacing because I didn't want to have another breakdown at work.

    Sorry to hear you quit your job, but you will probably find a better one.

    I know exactly what you mean when you say that thinking about killing yourself just brings relief. And I know how you feel when you say you don't exist. It's like you don't exsist in life's eqaution, so you might as well take yourself out of it already, right?

    :hug: All I can say is hang in there. Things will get better.
  3. Xalcro

    Xalcro Well-Known Member

    I guess you just have to hang on to what's important... We're all walking this emotional tightrope. I keep breaking apart with every small feud I have with my parents... it's pretty ridiculous. But then I guess fights in this family always mean a different thing... Like the argument lasts two minutes, and then everyone's laughing again. I can never understand that...

    It's just... to let everything go. Not to worry... Just take whatever comes to you. You have people all around you, there's always someoen to support you... so just, accept what comes.

    Just hang on... everything will turn out okay. If you have faith, nothing can stop you. Try to appreciate whatever comes... anything that's possible. You can lose yourself in the small, simple miracles...

    Please hold on... I still care... And I would miss you dearly if you ever left...
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