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Mourning my Dad


Active Member
Today my mom and my siblings and i went to the funeral home to finish taking care of things for my dad. He never wanted any service, just a private time for us with him before he is cremated. We chose a camouflaged urn for him, he loves camo.
When we saw him it was extremely difficult...my sister, being only 9, i think went into a bit if shock. She wanted to see her daddy...but that's not what she was expecting i am sure. We had brought a plush monkey that dad would play around with, and we used as a "nurse companion " to look after him when he came home. i used the monkey and had my sister kiss it and hug it tight, and told her that way she could send her love to dad and the monkey would deliver it to him for her. She was too distraught and didn't want to do it herself. So she did that and i took the monkey to dad to deliver her hug and kiss. i gave the monkey back to her and she hugged onto him. i hoped it helped her in a way to say good bye or how much she loves him.

It keeps sinking in. Sometimes it's slow and subtle. Other times it's like a freight train. (Dad loves trains). It crashes into you like a tidal wave. Hits you like a shark attack. Drags you down like quick sand. It suffocates you. It drains you. It's devastating... i wrote this poem after we left the funeral home...

Could I look away?
Remember you with that warm glow upon your face.
Shedding my tears, i hide my eyes.
Apart of me is gone tonight.

My soul is crippled, it is crushed.
My legs they crumble into dust.
My heart is tender with the aching,
My heart is shattering,
Not just breaking.

i feared this day for so long,
Now suddenly the time has come, and you are gone.
Gone from my hands, your hand from mine.
Never will you be gone in my life.
In my heart i will shelter you,
With all the love you gave to me, i give the same back to you.

Feel no pain, no hurt nor sorrow.
i give my strength for you to borrow.
Place my lips upon your brow,
i kiss you good bye just for now.
The day will come when
You and i will meet again.
Only then can my heart ever fully mend.~

Music has always helped get me through so much, so these are the songs in my current Playlist if you wish to listen to them. They express and convey my emotions and feelings and heartache.

Nothing More- "Fade In Fade Out"

Bring Me The Horizon- "Drown" Performed by Saywecanfly

James Blunt- "Monsters" & "Cry"

Avenged Sevenfold-"So Far Away"


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