im gonna be moving away from home soon. ive always had a weird relationship with my father. ive come to the point where somehow i feel exposed when i smile and look at him. i hate myself for thinking that way and i dont know why i do.
now the thing is, my father is 80 and im turning 20. his health has seen better days but he is still doing well on his own. from age 7 on i have always been scared that he might not wake up the next day and i would be sent to orphanage. i checked if he was breathing at night.
i want to live my own life now and be happy but then again.. he is very old and i feel like i know exactly where this is going.
im not happy here but i feel so awful for leaving him alone. how much time will we have together, how many times will i be able to call, what will he do on christmas? and no that we do have time together, i cant talk to him and show him any affection.
but at the same time i cant talk to him. we have never been able to talk without it feeling awkward and kind of wrong. i dont know how to talk to him.
i feel like im saying goodbye forever and he is the only family i have left. im jealous of everyone that has parents that are in their 40s or 50s. it makes me really mad
now the thing is, my father is 80 and im turning 20. his health has seen better days but he is still doing well on his own. from age 7 on i have always been scared that he might not wake up the next day and i would be sent to orphanage. i checked if he was breathing at night.
i want to live my own life now and be happy but then again.. he is very old and i feel like i know exactly where this is going.
im not happy here but i feel so awful for leaving him alone. how much time will we have together, how many times will i be able to call, what will he do on christmas? and no that we do have time together, i cant talk to him and show him any affection.
but at the same time i cant talk to him. we have never been able to talk without it feeling awkward and kind of wrong. i dont know how to talk to him.
i feel like im saying goodbye forever and he is the only family i have left. im jealous of everyone that has parents that are in their 40s or 50s. it makes me really mad