mumblings of a broken heart

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by justastrangegirl, Nov 28, 2013.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    i was so naive or so stupid to actually believe that someone like him could actually be interested in me.. interested in what i have to say, in what i feel.. silly me, who actually believed that he would be there when i fell appart, to help mend the pieces of my shattered heart..

    yet another disappointment in my life; it seems that i am destined to be alone and sad for the rest of my sad and pathetic existence.

    nothing good seems to last in my life.. i was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, thought that i might actually have a shot of love and happiness, but it was all an illusion, a product of my imagination.. the result of an overactive and lonely heart and mind..

    i don't know how long i'll be able to take it.. everytime i cave in i go deeper and deeper..

    my family's never there for me.. my mom is a stone-hearted bitch and my dad's an idiot.

    im sick and tired of being alone all the time.. it's like people are allergic to me.. i seriously wont be able to resist another bad experience.. i'm one hit away of being destroyed

    i know you probably wont read this, but if you do, i also know that you wont say anything.. cause you dont really care about me, do you?? you just need me when you are feeling down, i'm your ego booster
     
  2. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    Hey can see your suffering. # 1 People who live a life without depression find it hard to associate and empathise with people who do because there is no rational explanation for a irrational thought process. # 2 self doubt is something we all go through, depressive people are caring people thats why we get so low we blame and suffer with guilt over thing we could not change. Plus with the low self esteem and over thinking we tend to see things worse than they are. # 3 you did see a light at the end of the tunnel it may have been breif and now somewhat jaded but it was there you can get out of this. #4 don't let how people treat you reflect on your personality its your fault!! Don't let one stupid persons mistake affect your future. That person did whatever they did because thats who they are not because of who you are. People like us are fighters, we have to be if we weren't we wouldn't be here now right? Keep fighting through it one day that light at the end of the tunnel will be for real. Fight for it. Keep your head up soldier ;)
     
  3. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    haha thank you, you really cheered me up :) he's depressive too, but maybe he's more withdrawn than me.. either way, that doesn't take the pain away. I'm tired of getting my hopes high and of being scared all the time. Scared of suffering, scared of loving, scared of losing love.. Guess we all want things we cant have :'(
     
  4. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    Fear is the worst thing about depression I often think if I weren't so scared of losing something would I go after more things.. would I still be stuck here? Ive been in a relationship with a depressive im bipolar It just didn't work we kept bringing each other down. It was hard. My first line when I meet new people is hi im bipolar if they are not interested after that then that's ok better to not happen nw tan in a few years when emotions and feelings are attached.
     
  5. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    yeah, I got to attached to him, but because it felt real.. he said it was, but now it doesnt feel like it anymore.. i know it's probably me, i have a hard time letting people in, but when i do, i can't control my feelings.. it's like i crave love, and if i have a tiiiiiiiny taste of it, i cant pull myself together anymore.. id rather be a feeling-less shell than being in constant suffering..
     
  6. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    Thats how we all feel hun, but that is who we are feeling to much does not make us bad people infact it makes us better than most its just a shame that we have to deal with the pain from it. Its like being punished for caring. But thats life. I tend to give every piece of myself until there is no me left.
     
  7. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    exactly, I am and feel the same way. I just wanted it to happen, you know?? I was getting more confident, because I finally felt appreciated and pretty again, and now Im in a loooow spot again..
     
  8. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    Don't let that confidence and feeling beautiful go. (This sounds harsh but I don't intend it to be) he was nothing more than a vessel that took you to a place where you could feel that way about youself bit not the reason you felt it. The real reason is inside you. You felt beautiful because you are your confidence increased because you started to see who you really are not what your thoughts/feelings make you believe
     
  9. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    thank you so much :')
     
  10. silentlyfading

    silentlyfading Well-Known Member

    No problem thats why we are all here :)
     
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