You just interrogated me, because 'something is wrong'. Yes, genius, you're damn right something is wrong. My entire life is fucking wrong. Just make up your mind!! Sometimes, you come across as all caring and act as if you want to talk about my problems. Like you genuinely give enough of a fuck about someone other than yourself to just give me a cwtch and a bit of advice, or something. But that act has never lasted the length of a conversation. Not ever. Before we're even done talking you're either turning it round and making me feel awful, getting angry, getting violent, insulting me, or throwing me out. I have LEARNT from your behaviour never to try to talk to you about anything that matters. And now you get angry with me when I say I'm fine. You don't usually mind. I spend every goddamn day and night acting like I'm fine, because if I don't act that way then I get shouted at, or complained at, or picked on. And now you get angry. You know what really made me angry about what you just said to me? "I have mummy radar and I know something's wrong. Mummy radar's always right." Firstly, it's pathetic talking to me like I'm a six year old just because you feel insecure. I had to grow up bloody quick, Mum. Thanks to you. You and your fucking boyfriends. Secondly, if your sodding "mummy radar" is so fucking fantastic why has it been wrong before?! Why was it wrong with him huh?! Surely that should score pretty fucking high on your precious "mummy radar", shouldn't it?! But no, apparently it didn't. You (completely innocently, of course) contributed beautifully to everything he did to me and made me do to him by outcasting me yourself. Telling me you loved me but you didn't like me one bit. Believing everything he said. Grounding me so I couldn't have anyone round or go anywhere when you were gonna be working late shifts and he would stay at home. And being too damned stupid and weak and PATHETIC to stick up for me, or yourself. So I had to do it. I had to do everything I could to stop him hurting you. And I did. I spent that whole time looking after you, and you never for a minute looked after me. That time, the time he was kicking the shit out of you, so I stepped in and diverted it to me. You were lying on the floor, drunken, sobbing, while I at age 16 wrestled him off you. He hit me. And I kept him off you. He picked me up by the throat with those big fucking fists of his and held me against the wall that way. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't shout. I broke my finger trying to get him off me. I thought I was going to die. While you were too drunk (not too beaten, he only got to you once before I stepped in) to get off the floor. He called the police, because he is a manipulative ****. They came and said it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. It was never six of one and half a dozen of the other!! And they knew you were pissed, why the fuck didn't you just admit it? They took him away, but you let him take his key even though the police offered to force it off him. Then in the morning you refused to let me press any charges on him but you said you wouldn't let him back. A week later you were telling me to get the fuck out and stay somewhere else if I didn't want to see him, it was none of my business. I have never hurt you, I have never wronged you. I have been more loyal to you than anyone else ever has. I stick up for you when people tell me you're irresponsible, stupid, a bitch, a bad mother. You just came upstairs, walked in, and shouted at me for the fact that I have tears streaming down my face. You COW! What the hell is wrong with you? Where's my mummy gone? I haven't really seen her since I was about 5. :blub: Apparently you're stopping my allowance, from now. Well whatever, but you won't see me at your wedding. Fuck you. You can't pick and choose when to be a mother to me. You can't just dip in and out of my life as it suits you. You can't be the perfect mum in public and then the worst mother in the world at home. You have broken me, Mum. If I thought you were gonna support me maybe I could get through this.