Music and thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HopelessWanderer, Jun 7, 2013.

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  1. HopelessWanderer

    HopelessWanderer New Member

    I am bipolar. I was diagnosed in 2005, but my symptoms began in 1991 (when I was 15).
    I am tired, so very tired, but I can't sleep.
    All I can do is lay here and listen to songs running endlessly in my mind
    ad infinitum.
    No, I don't have a plan, but the thoughts are there.
    Sometimes they scare me, but it's better than what I fear most:
    Hospitalization and more ECT.
    I happened to see my doctor from the hospital today when I went to a different clinic to pick up meds for my son.
    I panicked! The anxiety I felt was overwhelming!
    He probably doesn't even remember me, he just sent me for a memory wipe like a common droid
    I can't go back --I won't!! :fear:
    Lyrics inter-spliced:

    "You saw my pain, washed out in the rain
    Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins"

    "Touch my mouth and hold my tongue
    I'll never be your chosen one
    I'll be home safely tucked away
    Well You can't tempt me if I don't see the day"

    "But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view"

    "Cause oh they gave me such a fright"

    "Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie
    'Cause when I opened my body I breathe in a lie"

    "So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down
    I'll never wear your broken crown
    I can take the road and I can f--- it all away
    But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate" --Mumford and Sons

    2 weeks of anguish has left me pondering
    Where will 2 more weeks find me.
    Guess, I will try to get some sleep and pray the cat will smother me in my sleep.
  2. loumerc

    loumerc Member

    Hear your heartbeat
    Beat a frantic pace
    And it's not even seven AM
    You're feeling the rush of anguish settling
    You cannot help showing them in
    Hurry up then
    Or you'll fall behind and
    They will take control of you
    And you need to heal the hurt behind your eyes
    Fickle words crowding your mind

    Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in
    Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within
    Sleep, sweetie, let your floods come rushing in
    And carry you over to a new morning

    So hard to explain your pain to others, your condition can be controled ,but you have to find a way adjust to the pain and sorrows. I cannot feel your pain as I am not in your shoes.. Just though i add these lyrics, as i like this song, hope you like it . All that i can promise you is that we are here when you need us . Hang on.
  3. HopelessWanderer

    HopelessWanderer New Member

    Thank you. :Cry:
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i hope you rethink.

    i hope you get help

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