I am bipolar. I was diagnosed in 2005, but my symptoms began in 1991 (when I was 15). I am tired, so very tired, but I can't sleep. All I can do is lay here and listen to songs running endlessly in my mind ad infinitum. No, I don't have a plan, but the thoughts are there. Sometimes they scare me, but it's better than what I fear most: Hospitalization and more ECT. I happened to see my doctor from the hospital today when I went to a different clinic to pick up meds for my son. I panicked! The anxiety I felt was overwhelming! He probably doesn't even remember me, he just sent me for a memory wipe like a common droid I can't go back --I won't!! :fear: Lyrics inter-spliced: "You saw my pain, washed out in the rain Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins" "Touch my mouth and hold my tongue I'll never be your chosen one I'll be home safely tucked away Well You can't tempt me if I don't see the day" "But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view" "Cause oh they gave me such a fright" "Better not to breathe than to breathe a lie 'Cause when I opened my body I breathe in a lie" "So crawl on my belly 'til the sun goes down I'll never wear your broken crown I can take the road and I can f--- it all away But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate" --Mumford and Sons 2 weeks of anguish has left me pondering Where will 2 more weeks find me. Guess, I will try to get some sleep and pray the cat will smother me in my sleep.