Oh my god. I think - whisper it - I've regained the capacity to take pleasure in things! Today I enjoyed playing my violin for the first time since round about November.
Depression strips away my ability to do anything - first to go are the things I ought to do, then it takes the things I love. Always music, my greatest joy, which comforts me in all but the darkest times, is the last to go. When I lose the ability to take pleasure in music, when even the most beautiful pieces played by the greatest musicians sound like fingernails on a blackboard to me, that's when I feel as though I might as well be dead.
But now it's come back! I've been playing for hours and it feels great (though my neighbours might not agree :laugh
. It feels like I'm coming back to life, after being frozen for so long. I think this is the beginning of the end of my depression. Here's hoping - I'd forgotten what it was like to smile, and now I'm grinning from ear to ear!
Depression strips away my ability to do anything - first to go are the things I ought to do, then it takes the things I love. Always music, my greatest joy, which comforts me in all but the darkest times, is the last to go. When I lose the ability to take pleasure in music, when even the most beautiful pieces played by the greatest musicians sound like fingernails on a blackboard to me, that's when I feel as though I might as well be dead.
But now it's come back! I've been playing for hours and it feels great (though my neighbours might not agree :laugh
. It feels like I'm coming back to life, after being frozen for so long. I think this is the beginning of the end of my depression. Here's hoping - I'd forgotten what it was like to smile, and now I'm grinning from ear to ear!
