So I was in band today, while playing back the piece we were currently rehearsing the director hits his stand and knocks all his music off the stand. While trying to catch it he the proceeds to drop his baton. We were still at least 15 seconds from the end of the piece. But he kept on conducting till we reached the end. At that point after a brief silence laughter broke out. Now you have to be wondering what does this story have to do with anything? Well a fairly comical act of a person bumbling around accidentally was performed in front of 40+ people and not one of them laughed until it was appropriate. That is the greatness of music. You see we are taught to have great discipline and to not snicker nor laugh nor even move when we see something comical happen. Again you are thinking so what? Well this skill that I have acquired from my.. ummm...11 years playing in wind ensembles has trickled into my real life. But was morphed to fit the situation. You see what happens to me is someone says something to me, and depending on the context I either: Stay silent and ignore them Make a general yes or no reply Laugh at them Say something to make them go away. And in the end I keep my thoughts and voices to myself. Everything that I believe in or want to say that would be offensive, stay far within me. And I don't say it then I come home and rant to myself for hours on end. So I guess what I am trying to say is that music helped me develop my mask, metaphoric mask. It turned me into this fantastic liar and show man who plays to the crowds desires no matter what he wants to say or think. In reality this reflex is like second nature to me. I do it without thinking. As a result I show a persona that people get to know that is not me. Which is really bad for me. Mainly because if people got to know the real me they would see what a hypocrite and liar I really am. So no matter what I continue to show that persona. It is funny in the real world I am a prisoner of my own mask. Just a random thought that came to my mind.