I posted here about a month ago saying how I tried to kill myself and then I posted again saying the same thing. Well guess what? Since then I tried two more times. So that makes 4 this summer. And everytime I failed. So that must be some kind of record eh? The third time I tried to hang myself but I just choked a bit and then the cord snapped and I fell to the floor. And then last week I tried to drown myself really early in the morning. It went pretty well. I managed to force myself to stay under when that panicky feeling like you can't breathe took over. And once you get over that and you start breathing in water it gets okay again. Well, I must have passed out and then I woke up, guess where? In hospital. So it turned out some early morning joggers found me and dragged me out and I was dead. But they did CPR on me and called an ambulance and they got me back in the hospital, which I was pretty annoyed about. They said I was lucky the water was so cold. I thought that fact would have killed me quicker. Obviously I was wrong. I don't feel lucky. I feel like an idiot. I'm supposed to go back to school on Monday and I know that everyone will have heard about what I did this summer and I'll get even more shit from them at school then I did before. I hate it. 5th time lucky?