must die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Darken, Aug 15, 2007.

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  1. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    I'm so sick of life. I don't want to live at all any more. I care about my family and don't want to hurt them , but I have no choice. I'm so depressed. I think about suicide all day. I hate my self, I have a sick mind. I think about death and sex and other things too much. It seems like their is no chance of me ever getting better.

    I finished taking all my dep meds. Its been three weeks or so now why aren't these fuckers working. They are my last hope. I'm tired of being alone, never having any one to love. I think of my self as so negatively, I hate the way I look I hate my body its disgusting and fat. The failed beings that are doomed to die alone, am I not one of them?

    I think about how to improve the quality of life for people a lot. and also how we will evolve. I want to make the world a better place. The world may not be able to be perfect but that doesn't mean it cant be better. Humans should work hard, use their reason and logic work together for the best world possible. Thats my ideology. We need to get past all these things that are holding us back. Its only a matter of time before it does happen really. I can't do shit to help though. I cant even help myself. Every one should have the right to die at least.

    Some times i read my older post and laugh at myself, hope this post doesn't embarrass me too much.
  2. Incomitatus

    Incomitatus Member

    Well, what can I say...

    I know this may sound silly, but the only way (perhaps) to get rid of this situation of yours is to divert the attention to something else...

    A good book, games, sport, work, driving... anything...
    This mood sounds very familiar to me - I have lived with this for the past 5 years or so. Not like I had it 24/7 - just depression "attacks" from time to time, and then I wanted to tear myself apart.
    Very same subjects - sex and suicide (and couple of others)...
    I could not even look upon girls at those moments - so overwhelming was my detestation towards them

    You have mentioned your ideas, it seems to me that you are, perhaps, an idealistic kind of person, the one who may inspire others. There should be someone who will share your viewpoints, some followers, friends ...
    have you tried to made some Web site that would be devoted to your ideology?
    Some years ago, I had the similar beliefs - that despite several drawbacks, our civilization is progressing towards utopia, the ideal form of existance and that the Golden Age is inevitable.
    Life itself has deprived me from such illusions...
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Hey Darken :) Who DOESN'T think about sex and death too much? I know you're depressed, and remember sometimes dep. meds can take up to 6 weeks to work. Also, they may be the wrong kind? I know that for me, Wellbutrin made it so much worse but Zoloft was my lucky drug!

    I think you are a really great person with a lot of great ideas and I don't want you to go anywhere.

    And you can get on a program to whip your body into shape. My husband and I are practically experts at diet and exercise (before my wedding, we went on a psychotic regimen to get into shape!). So if you want help figuring out a program that you can stick to, I would be happy to help. Also, exercise releases endorphins, which make you less depressed so it's a win-win!

    Please hang in there. I know you're hurting but I believe in you :hug:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so low darken. Meds do not work overnight. Some may work in as short a time as 3 weeks, but many don't. You need to find the right med or combination of them and this takes time. Don't give up before it's had the time to work. You are going through a difficult time. Let us support you if we can. i wish to see you safe. :hug:
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Hang in there Darken. I know you can overcome this.
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