MY 10-STEP SOCIAL CYCLE 1. I open my mouth, and something insanely stupid comes out. 2. People judge me for it, laugh at me, think I'm ignorant, stupid, crazy, weird, strange, messed up… and they keep their distance or just go onto better things without me. 3. I feel insanely guilty and horrible. 4. I want to kill myself. 5. I get angry, because if I did kill myself no one would give a shit, and the people who judged me would probably just think about how messed up I was and not realize that they could have just had some fucking tact and been a better person and not tried to turn whatever point they were making into a putdown/ego-boost. 6. I get so fucking pissed off at that that I decide I don't want to kill myself because they SHOULD CARE and I'm actually not a bad person and could have potentially come to agree with them if they hadn't been so kunty. 7. I want to kill them. 8. I think 'fucking hell, I can't just go around killing people'. Not because I don't want them dead, but because I couldn't handle the consequences. 9. After a few days, I kind of get over it… and I realize that I probably don't want them dead. Well, some people I still do… but usually I don't. 10. I probably should have learned a lesson, but I didn't. REPEAT FOREVER.