My 1st experience with suicide: aka RIP Steve

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bearclaw27, Jan 12, 2013.

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  1. bearclaw27

    bearclaw27 Member

    My 1st experience with suicide: aka RIP Steve

    31 years ago, my friend Steve decided to take his own life: On a Friday night before
    Palm Sunday, he cut his wrists...His parents found him bleeding and rushed him to the hospital...He was alive... they stitched him up and sedated him..He woke up in the hospital room, walked over to the closet, found an wire clothes hanger, and tried to <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>...A nurse caught him while doing this and he was placed in suicide-proof room (or so they thought)...In the middle of the night on Palm sunday, he got out of bed, climbed onto a chair, and <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>...But guess what? He didn't die...

    He was placed on a 24 hour watch then...Eventually, he was released from the hospital and put in a mental facility..He stayed there a for about 6 months, was released and seemed to be doing better..I made a vow to myself that I would help him find a reason to live again, but I guess I was too caught up in my own life to really follow through with the promise I had made to myself

    The following year on the friday before Palm Sunday I saw him at my house..I asked him what he was up to...He smiled and he told me that he was planning a lil vacation...I thought that sounded great....That nite, he never went home...The following morning, someone found his body on the banks of the Hudson river below a 200 foot tall cliff....

    Yea...Steve was totally committed to taking his own life, and he finally succeeded..

    Ever since that day I lost Steve, I have contemplated taking my own life...You see, suicide is contagious...

    In the years that have passed since my loss of Steve, I have lost 3 other friends to suicide, and personally witnessed the suicide of a complete stranger...But Steve's was the 1st and the worst, because I was unable to stop it, though I had promised myself that I would teach him that life was worth living........Ultimately, I failed.........

    So, I am begging all of you to do everything that you can to get the help that you need....Because Suicide IS CONTAGIOUS.........And, if anyone needs support at anytime, please feel free to reach out to me...

    Peace, and Kia Kaha (stay strong)

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi bearclaw your are right Suicide harms everyone involved hun Please hun don't feel guilt about your friend as you said no one could see what his mind was planning I am sorry for all your losses and i do hope by posting here people will see and understand that there is help out there and that suicide it only destroys so many others when they are gone
  3. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Wow, that's an emotional story. And I'm really sorry you lost your friend Steve. Have you been feeling suicidal 30 yrs? I hope you've found some sort of peace with all of this
  4. Tia

    Tia Well-Known Member

    i'm so so sorry for your loss
    R.I.P Steve.

    Thanks for getting this message out there Bearclaw x
    i know how hard it is to lose a friend to suicide, i lost a good friend in 2011 and just like you, i felt the same. I wanted to leave and felt like I had failed because i couldn't save him. But really all we can do is find peace in the times we helped our friends, find peace in the special moments we had, the good memories.. and wow, losing 4 people to suicide, i'm so so sorry
    thanks for being so kind and letting everyone know you are there for them. you have a good heart.
    and thanks for reminding us how important it is to get all the help we can right now. I hope you do the same

    Keep safe

  5. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    This thread struck a chord with me.

    I feel like Steve, smiling and telling people life is fine while planning my final exit. My job is ending this week and i have been trying to get another job for over a year. I know I can survive financialy for a few months then nothing. So my intent is to end my life shortly before the end so my kid (23 years old) has enough to cremate me. So I smile a lot when people ask me what I am going to do and then divert the question away. But I feel sad inside. i don't want to kill myself I want to live and yet I don't want to be homeless and destitute. I'd rather die before it happens. But I smile and say life's fine. and plan the end. I hope others won't be devestated.

    Sorry to include this with this thread but I felt so connected
  6. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I very much agree and understand. Our Nation has lost it's soul, real compassion for others is an outdated concept. Just over 30 years of the greed is good philosophy has left millions of us in a similar position to yours. Not sure of your age, but if you are over 50, forget about ever finding a living wage job, I don't even get a response to literally thousands that I am more than qualified for, have applied for, sent a resume to. Thank you Ronnie Raygun,

    Worrying about others having survivors guilt when I decide to go, just isn't enough to change my mind. I'm NOT going to live a shitty life of destitution and homelessness. I am not equipped for it. As another member once said, "I want to be able to a shower before I go."
  7. Fleurise

    Fleurise Well-Known Member

    cymbele no matter what is happening on the work front, I believe that your kid loves you, and you love them, which you must as you sound concerned about leave that way and your kid finding money to pay for funeral. Then yes he would be devastated and even thou it would seem there is no hope, there is always hope. I don't know what country you live but reach out to people there and finding out how you can get help to keep from being homeless and destitute. I too on occasion smile at people and tell them life is fine but it's a choice to not try and ask for help. People are always devastated when others suicide and ask themselves a million questions. "why, could I have stopped it, could I have helped, is this my fault, if only, did I miss a clue." and many more. It takes years to get over anything like that and always stays with you. Ask on here to find out where you can get help with this situation. Living in New Zealand I can't be of much use and I too live on the poverty line, but look at the little pleasures in life, your kid is one, what are the others, only you can answer that, but we can offer suggestion to see if they fit. Keep in touch.
  8. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    FYI Fleurise, New Hampshire is in the USA. I don't think you quite understand what's happening here in the new improved United States of Austerity. There are millions homeless and the numbers are growing larger every day. All parts of government are cutting help for distressed people here, not expanding it. Private charities are stretched beyond their limits. And the worst has yet to come.
  9. Fleurise

    Fleurise Well-Known Member

    FYI Tired John, it's no better anywhere else. New Zealand isn't that great either, but if you can't change the system you have to find some way to cope with what you are given. It feels like you are having a go at me. Don't get me wrong I don't know everything and no one can. What each person goes thru is different and very it can be hard I understand that. We regularly go without enough food in order to pay bills and keep a roof over our heads. I can't even afford healthcare most of the time and I'm sick nearly everyday. But most of the time I find it more helpful to look at the little things that I can do and to help others here.
  10. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Good grief, Fleurise, I'm not "having a go" at anyone. You said you didn't know what country Cymble lived in and I was letting you know. I tried to add some info that I thought you sounded unaware of. Don't fret yourself, it WON"T happen again.
  11. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    please relax a bit and take a deep breath and exhale everyone... difference of opinion some here now.. let's not cross any lines..
  12. Fleurise

    Fleurise Well-Known Member

    So sorry, Tired John, I guess that I took it the wrong way. Under a lot of stress myself lately but that is no excuse either. So I apologise if I caused you any anguish. Please know that I would always be willing to admit when I have done wrong.
  13. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    sorry everyone to cause so much angst
  14. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    No apologies necessary, from either of you fine friends, a simple miscommunication is all. it not easy for any of us to drop our defenses, I'm sure. **Hugs** all around.
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