my 1st post

[rggkjg1]

i cant take my life anymore. for the past 2 years i've wanted to die. i have no reason to go on in life. i don't go to school, nor do i have any motivation to do so at this time. i'm not in a relationship, nor have i ever had one. i think i have no friends. i'm alone. i feel i am "invisible" to begin with. no one has ever noticed me while i'm around, therefore it won't matter if i'm dead or alive. i've tried to make positive changes in my life, but it doesn't work out. granted i'm sure someone would say i didn't try harder or at all. no matter what i say or do, nothing will change. everything will be the same in my life no matter what.

the couple months have been brutal to some extent. over the years i've prayed to god from time to time before going to sleep. i don't consider myself religious, but god's out there i guess. i ask for happiness and a reason to go on living. lately i've just asked god to kill me. i haven't gotten a reason to live or happiness. i would take happiness and a reason to live over dying, but it will never happen. over the past couple weeks/month people i know have been getting into car accidents, dying, and having strokes. i'm tired of all these bad things happening to everyone else. i am the one who WANTS to die. why does everone else i know have these terrible things happen to them, when they want to live? i am just a waste of space. i will never accomplish anything in my life, why can't i just die? i'm tired of hearing about the deaths of others who have done something with their lives and would have continued to do more great things if their life wasn't cut short. i just want to know why i can't be chosen to die instead of someone else who mattered and done something while they were alive.

theres more to this, but this is my first post and i don't even know if i'll post again. how exactly am i supposed to feel about strangers reading my private/personal thoughts?

 

[Esmeralda]

Instead of praying for happiness, maybe you should be praying for faith or for the ability to actually experience happiness.

I'm sorry you're going through so much crap. This is a good place to vent and to get support.

Welcome

 

[Dave_N]

Hi rggkjg1. Sorry to hear about all the deaths of your friends and family. When someone you love dies, it can be difficult to find the will to carry on. You mentioned that you've prayed to God to kill you? Why not pray for healing and a more enjoyable life? It's not up to us to choose when we are going to die. It's just not your time to go yet. :hug:

 

[effervescentpsyche]

it's weird having strangers read your thoughts, but sometimes it's easier too. None of these people know you, and sometimes it's good to have an outside opinion especially if you can't tell the people in your life how you're feeling.


I understand about the no school no motivation thing. It's hard to be motivated when you don't have the great love or need to do something more. It's such a pressure too...everyone makes you believe if you don't go to school then there's absolutely nothing you can do with your life...which in turn makes you feel worthless and useless. It's how I feel...Just keep trying to find something that makes you feel like trying...even if it's something that's not school...for me it's trying to get a book published.

 

[Stranger1]

Hello rggkjg1,
I can understand you not wanting to attend school right now. With depression your concentration sucks.
I tried home schooling to get a degree and couldn't concentrate on what I was reading .I would read it a couple of times and still not remember what I read. So I quit. I use to be an avid reader and now I have about 20 books I have bought. I just can't bring my self to read them.
Don't worry about what others think,If they confront you tell them to go stick it where the sun don't shine. It is none of there buisness to get you to tell them what is happening with you.
I am a strong beleiver in therapy, it has helped me to see one and I have made great progress. I am still an isolationist but have started going to certain places where I feel comfortable. I still don't talk much when I am around people and because I never smile they think I have a case of the ass.
Do things at your own pace, and try a therapist. Some times it takes a couple of trys to find one you can work with. It took me three trys to find Gina. I think the world of her for the support she has given me. Take Care!!!~Joseph~

 

[rggkjg1]

I am a strong beleiver in therapy, it has helped me to see one and I have made great progress. I am still an isolationist but have started going to certain places where I feel comfortable. I still don't talk much when I am around people and because I never smile they think I have a case of the ass.
Do things at your own pace, and try a therapist. Some times it takes a couple of trys to find one you can work with. It took me three trys to find Gina. I think the world of her for the support she has given me. Take Care!!!~Joseph~

i've been in thearpy for the past 2 years.

 

[ecorg911]

I know this has little relevance to the subject in question, although God, whether you are Christian or not is an entity of Good, and would never wish any harm to come to an induvidual.

I have to be carefull how I put this, although religion has helped people get "back on track" with thier life, be it Christianty, Sikism etc.

Thats just my 2c

 

[aoeu]

We don't know you, we'll never meet you, and we have read some very, very fucked up things on this forum. Don't worry about us judging you, seriously.

 

[rggkjg1]

i'm on the verge of completely loosing it. i just can't see things getting any better and i'm just giving up hope. every day and night i just ask to die. i have no reason to continue on living. i'm really tired of everything, i've had enough, and i can't take it anymore.