My 39 yr old brother killed himself last summer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Matty321, Apr 2, 2007.

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  1. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    I don't play online so this is a first for me. I'm 36, female, mother of 2.

    I feel for all of you here so much. I wanted to join and wondered if my perspective might help.

    We all entertained these thoughts as kids and even later many of us do.

    I never thought I'd be an only child at 36 and am wrecked for it.

    My light is gone.

    I hurt so bad, I've wanted to die myself from the pain and trauma of losing my bro. He was my life. He is still my life.

    Please, please be better to yourselves, guys. You can be your own worst enemy, always feeding yourselfves these horrible negative thoughts. You believe what you tell yourself. My brother did and he was entirely wrong, it was an illusion he played himself to himself.

    You are all so beautiful and don't even know it.

    I have seen some of the most beautiful people and it had nothing to do with their looks. The good in us all transcends any ugliness you think of yourself. You can be what my neighbor would say is homely and I can see you are plain beautiful. It's really in the eye of the beholder and so many of us see what's real still. Don't lose faith.

    Some of us can see you're gorgeous inside. Looks are the currency of the vain. Not us. We are real.

  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your brother.

    Have you had any help and support since? It has clearly had, as it naturally would, a huge impact on you.

    If you ever want to chat, then feel free to PM me.

    I hope that your words can help people.

    Take care of yourself
  3. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    I have an errand to run, Scum--which, BTW, I don't like calling you--but thanks so much, really.

    I haven't had any help, no.

    I thought coming here might even make me feel better?

    But I feel peoples' pain so deeply.

    We'll see.--But we share feelings. I'm also very depressed.

    ~Nice meeting you. Matty
  4. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    P.S. What's PM? I read that somewhere else in here.

  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I hope that you find some support and comfort here. Maybe you could have a look in the loved and lost forum. that might help you too.

    a PM is a private message, if you click on their name it gives you the option to send one, and it is a message that goes to that person, that no one else can see.

    Hope that helps.

    Take care of yourself
  6. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    How old are you, Scum?..

    Ah, thanks, any help is a big help to me. I haven't done this stuff in years, overwhelmed.

    And I will take the time later to see if I can find out what brings you here, hm? I'm afraid not a lot of time today.

    Good of you to notice me. Isn't there something else I can call you?

  7. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    Re: How old are you, Scum?..

    Hey Matty, hope that you find you like it here and continue to be part of our community... How long ago did your brother suicide?
  8. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    First off welcome to the forum, i hope being here helps bring peace to an overwhelming situation. I am so sorry for your loss, I have three brothers and granted we fight and argue sometimes i couldn't imagine them not being here.

    I agree with you when you say that true beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes people get dragged through the mud so much in their lives that they lose sight of their true beauty and true potential (me included). I hope that you being here has a positive effect and I hope that you can find peace when it comes to your brother. :hug:
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I have a little brother, 3 years younger than me, 16, we've been extremely close, especially with all the moving we have done, he is my only friend as well. I know he'd be devastated if I committed suicide, he's one reason I suppose I am still living.
  10. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope writing in here can help in some way!
  11. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Re: How old are you, Scum?..

    Mr Depressed, he did it last June, so not even a year yet and I'm still freaking out.

    What's your major depression, Mr.?

  12. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Kanani, nkrukato--yes, see having a brother means you can have some sense of my hell. Thank you. You must never leave your sibling. You take them with you...

    I do find comfort here and yet absorb all of the pain in everyone and I think people are beautiful even with their pain. People are tragic, yes.

    I wish everyone in here knew what a gift they are to this planet, what a wonder they are and it's hard to see you all hurt so sharply.

    I wish the world wouldn't drag the self esteem from us the way it does.

    It is an unjust world that does not reward inner beauty.

    But some of us see it.

    I see it.

    It is why it hurts to see you all suffer here.

    Poor babies.

  13. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Sorry :hug:
  14. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, SOMEbody.

    Nice meeting you. I look forward to some conversation when I return again.

    Pamper yourself with ONE thing today.

    Do something you like, no matter how little.

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