My anxiety and guilt is overwhelming me.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cordial1, Dec 20, 2012.

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  1. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    I went out with a couple of people from work last night. I had a couple of drinks and one of the guys asked if I wanted to go "to the car" aka go smoke.. I got really high.. too high.. I go back in and two of my bosses were sitting at the table I left. My instant thought was greattttttt. I sat there and it kept getting worse and worse, I instantly regretted doing it, but I have just been so impulsive lately, I can't control myself. I could feel my bosses like judging me, and the rest of the people at the table knew too. It was so bad. My friend took me home, I had to get my roommate to take me back to my car this morning. I am so ashamed, I am so embarrassed, and I have this huge knot of anxiety in my chest. I am so afraid of being judged when I go to work tonight, I don't want to go. I want to die, I am so embarrassed. I won't get fired, because the girl who took me home said that my boss dudes smoke too, but I am just absolutely mortified. I just need someone to tell me it will be okay, because I am afraid I'm going to have a panic attack.
  2. liamthomas

    liamthomas Member

    It will be ok, paranoia is the overwhelming side effect. Learn from your mistakes don't let them define you.
    If your boss says anything, just let them know "the holidays are a very difficult time for me, but I would rather not discuss it."
    That will end it and you will live happily ever after.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2012
  3. Solstadius

    Solstadius Member

    I quit smoking because paranoia was getting too unreal but it seemed so logical at the times. It sure will be okay. If your bosses smoke too they'll probably know these things can happen. Like Liam said let them know if they bring it up to you and if not just don't think about it. Be above it and play cool there's no need to be afraid.
  4. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    Work wasn't bad last night, one of my bosses asked if I was okay last night and I said yeah, I was just tired. Then the guy who I smoked with asked me about last night and I told him I didn't want to talk about it, that I was embarrassed, ashamed, and have had the worst anxiety about it all day. He is significantly older than me, like 12 years, and he sat me down and explained that I had nothing to worry about because they were cool with it, and that if it gave me anxiety that I shouldn't smoke anymore. Which makes sense, but when I'm in a position where I'm comfortable, like, in a house: my house, my friends' house... I'm cool, only when I am in a new social situation do I get anxiety. But, I have been off of my meds for almost a year, since I lost my medical insurance when my mom lost her job, and each day it's getting a little bit harder to deal. I'm getting lower and lower, and the stress of this new semester is going to be a test of my will to cope and live.
  5. VikKalmbach

    VikKalmbach Active Member

    Totally agree that I need to be in a situation I have some sort of control over or I get super anxious. On drugs or not. Why can't you get medical insurance? Are you getting lower and lower because of being off medication or other reasons? The stress of this new semester won't bend or break you at all, you will cope, you will live and you will thrive. The person who sat you down is how most people would look at that particular situation, but the anxiety had its moment to speak as well. It let you know it was there, you defeated it, you posted before going to work saying you didn't want to, then you wen't to work and dealt with it, and that had a positive effect on your next post. I really want you to put that one in the win column and feel great about it !! If you need to talk I'm definitely around and will be. Even just to take your mind of school or work and hear about my day lol. Please let me know, and remember even though I don't know you personally I still love you like a brother or sister :)
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