My anxiety and its travels into agoraphobia

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by weevil, Mar 9, 2010.

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  1. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    Feelings of anxiety have always made me afraid to be in certain places and stall going out even if I'm going somewhere good. It's either not been strong enough or just been on a case by case basis (like being afraid to go to *that* class, or to go out this morning only). Since the last few months of last year though it's definitely moved to being worthy of being called agoraphobia, actually I'm not sure that's true, it was developing alot more in my previous down phase last year. Anyway, who cares?

    Recently I've been feeling a bit worse than I had been, after Xmas and New Year I'd decided I absolutely had to move house and live alone which I finally did a month ago. The house was a large cause of my anxiety, after deciding this and doing it I felt a lot better, could deal with more things and go out and stuff. I had a sense of being overwhelmed though and the last couple of weeks have felt more and more glad when I know I don't have to see anyone all day. I've met people socially but afterwards felt so bad about it, like I'd made a fool of myself and should be embarassed. This was so strong after going out Saturday that I'm still feeling it and making no moves at all to contact anybody I know. I'm not even responding to emails from strangers I was meant to be organising getting furniture from as it still means interacting with people.

    I can only do this because I don't know any of you and don't have to meet you in real life.

    I'm not looking forward to tomorrow as I have to let an engineer into my flat to have the phone connected, which will also mean having to phone (the thing I hate the most) the caretaker to let him in the phone lines cupboard.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is hard allowing people into your safe space just know they will be gone soon then you can breath easier again okay. I understand i do but sometimes we just have to breath slowly and accept things for a little while. Glad your here.
  3. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    It actually went smoothly, it worked fine so he wasn't here long. He didn't ask me what I "do" or anything, I guess he assumed I'd taken the day off "work" for him coming round. He'd sorted everything else out with the building so I didn't need to call the caretaker.

    My going out or dealing with things is getting worse though. I did go to the nearest shop at the last minute last night to get some food but there's noway I'm going out in daylight.

    I can't even interact with certain people by email, things I'm meant to sort out that would lead to scarier interactions like phoning or arranging times to meet in person. I can't be responsible for something that involves others. I have to remain not affecting anyone at all as much as possible.

    Previous housemate tried to phone me earlier, she is an anxiety sufferers nightmare. I never liked talking to her on the phone at the best of times so noway was I answering today. I can't even read the message she left.

    I'm afraid I might have to seek some kind of proper help or this might not go away this time, yet on the bright side I'm SO GRATEFUL I now live alone. This was a hundred times scarier when I was in the previous house. I feel like I can't be taken seriously though as I'm okay sometimes. Last Saturday I traveled many miles first thing in the morning to go to a uni open day, then later that night I met some people in a night club, had a great time until the instant I left where I regretted it all and felt like everyone probably hated me. Now I want nothing to do with anyone. It happens so suddenly.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    What you're describing sounds a LOT like Avoidant Personality Disorder. You should check into it on Wikipedia and try to get help from your local doctor, if you can. I wrote a thread about my problems with this here if you want to see. It also includes a brief summary of what AvPD is at the bottom of the thread.

    I hope it's not but it's worth checking out. :hug:
  5. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    Hiya, thanks for the reply. I hadn't read much about this before but what I think differs with me is that I don't always feel this way. Sometimes I feel fine, sometimes I feel great, it's a massive swing between extremes.

    It sounds more like me in my teens, as I really didn't know myself at all then. But I worked out a lot in my early adult years, it brought a lot of anxiety but did eventually make me feel more comfortable with who I was. When I'm not down like this I don't care at all and feel fine, I think I might be bipolar but I don't have a hope in hell of being taken seriously, especially if I'm suggesting it myself.
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Have you tried talking to a professional about the way you feel? Perhaps if you try seeking help when you're feeling you're more confident, happy self, you'll be able to figure out what the problem is and hopefully get some proper help for it. :sad:
  7. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    I mentioned bipolar to one of my old family doctors over a year ago (after someone else had suggested it to me) and I was really seriously patronised by him and shoo'd away. The arogance of these people sometimes that makes them think they've seen the entire lot of your life and arn't even interested in hearing anything you might have to say. It's why I distrust them so much.

    I've been doing a lot of talking to professionals, well more than I ever had before. I set up counselling last year *before* my annual breakdown as I'm now used to when it happens and had I waited till it started I wouldn't have gone. I just wish they would send me to a psychiatrist or something instead of just trial and erroring different anti-depressants on me. Right now I'm in no position to do anything as I can't leave the flat or use the phone.
  8. weevil

    weevil Well-Known Member

    urgh, my mobile internet posted twice and i can't delete,
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 25, 2010
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