Been a VERY rough week. I just can't interact with people. Yet when I hermit I get so sad from being alone, then I think I will give people a try again. I met some new people this week and we had lunch together and I was feeling pretty good and it seemed to me things were going well. And I was supposed to call one and set up a coffee time today, but when I called I got a very rude brush off. This triggers the suicidal thought circle...mostly someplace in me calling out to "let me out." I hate it here on earth most of the time. It sucks. It is too painful because I experience people as cruel, cold and derisive. I do all I know how to do to be a friend, but this Asperger's makes me extremely emotionally hypersensitive. So being with people is just too painful. Occasionally I enjoy the intelligence and the unique perspective that Aspberger's gives me, but this inability to be with people has made me so lonely and to just want out. I am so tired today, so deeply tired of being sad, of being rejected, of being lonely and unable to bond with people. I am exhausted and my mind is running those thoughts about wanting out. I keep praying my heart will stop. I would welcome an "honest" death right now.