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My attempt at organizing my thoughts

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by 1818, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. 1818

    1818 Member

    I hope this is the proper place to post this. (I'm extremely new to this site, so please correct me if I'm wrong) I may end up rambling on and on and on and I apologize in advance for that.

    My mind is literally just a jumbled mess.
    I met with my counsellor weekly, for 2 years. At first I made great progress but then I hit a bump in the road & I ended up being hospitalized for several weeks. After that it almost seemed like I was on a high, I was invincible & I thought I was forever cured from all my mental disorders. & she too thought I was perfectly okay because I managed to get a job and I didn't drop out of school (those were literally her supporting points) but I was truly just trying to occupy the time that I was wasting, by existing, not living.

    I was comfortable talking to her & I was content. But within the past few months, she stopped listening to what I was saying & just made me fight for myself, and I was not making good choices for the situations. But she didn't seem to care, my self-harm was at an all time worst, but she never bothered to check in with me, even though my parents had told her I was doing it daily & I was overly suicidal, but she never took my clues (I could never tell her up front that I was feeling that way, but she was VERY good at receiving my clues). I ended up back in the hospital again when she sent me there from school, but she never checked in to see how I was doing & she closed my file literally 6 days later.

    I also feel like I may have a misdiagnosis on a couple disorders. But she didn't take me seriously on that & told me that I just didn't understand parts of my diagnosis.

    (not related to the previous 2 sentences) I have OCD, I count EVERYTHING, I count anything and everything. (and i do small other things that arent relevant.) and lately I've just been swamped with OCD/Anxiety & it sucks. a lot. I don't think I came up wit the coping strategies that we had originally planned to, therefore I don't know how to cope with it other than to give in to all my urges.

    I have been very on edge and I'm not sure what to do with myself lately.
    I'm sorry that most of this probably doesn't make sense. & I apologize for rambling.
    I know I forgot things but I don't really care at this point. I just have a lot of jumbled thoughts.
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I'm sorry that you have had such a rough time with your counsellor. Is there any chance you can find a new counsellor? Someone new who will listen and hopefully get your back on the right track? And it sounds like you should also see a psychiatrist, as only they can diagnose and undiagnosed mental health disorders.
  3. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    I started realizing when I was about 19 that I had symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. They hadn't diagnosed me with it at that point, and I had to keep bringing it up over and over again until I finally got re-diagnosed and the psychiatrist agreed with me that I had both Borderline and Dependent Personality Disorders. Some doctors/therapists tend to think they're high and mighty because of their diplomas; they think they know everything and you know nothing because you're the patient. And that's just retarded because who knows more about the patient than the patient themselves? And you don't have to necessarily have a Ph.D. in Psychology to be able to figure out that you have a specific mental disorder. So guess what, if they're not listening to you, fuck 'em. Try to get somebody different and just go with what YOU know about yourself, not what they think they know. Some people are insightful enough to understand what they have and why without a doctor telling them so.