My attempt.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Herquiescence, Dec 7, 2006.

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  1. Herquiescence

    Herquiescence New Member


    Hi. I'm new here. My name is Lisa Marie. I'm 16 years old and a junior in high school. I tried to kill myself on October 25, 2006. I took x pills at 11 PM. I woke up at about 2:30 AM the next morning and I felt awful. I kept throwing up water (I had drank a lot of water the night before). At 3 AM I took x more pills. Then, I tired to fall asleep. I slept for about 15 minutes at a time, waking up for about an hour in between. I continued to throw up water, and after awhile I started to throw up blood. My sheets, the floor of my bedroom, the toilet in my bathroom, and the floor in my bathroom were all soiled. At around noon my mother woke me up. She had made me tea and toast. She had heard me throwing up during the night, and she thought I had the flu. I lay in my bed for a few minutes and contemplated what I would do next. I decided to wash my comforter and sheets. It took me about 10 minutes to get down the stairs to the washing machine. At this time my vision was blurred, I was dizzy, my ears were ringing and I could barely talk or walk. My abdomen felt like it was going to explode, and I was very, very cold. After I put my linens in the washing machine, I curled up into a ball on the couch. I considered just laying there and waiting to die (which, as the doctors told me later, would have happened shortly). I also considered telling my mother what I had done. I chose the latter option. I struggled, but managed to say the words, "Pen" and "Paper." I then wrote a note to my mom explaining what I had done.

    Then a ambulance came and took me to a hospital nearby. I don't remember much about this experience. I know they started to give me charcoal, but immediately stopped because it had been too long for it to have an affect. They gave me another medicine instead. A priest came to visit me. I am not religious, but my parents are. After about five hours at this hospital I was taken to another hospital 45 minutes away. Immediately after I arrived they decided I had to be taken to a third hospital, because they believed I would need a liver transplant. It took a few hours for them to arrange transportation for me. As I was leaving all of the doctors and nurses I had said "good bye" to me. They did not think I'd survive the 2 and a half hour ambulance ride to the other hospital. I did make it. I remained there for about five days, during which time my liver did not fail. Afterwards I was sent to the adolescent psychiatric unit across the street from this hospital. I was there for eight days. Now, about a month later, I considering doing it all over again. I love life, but not my own. I hate admit it, but I am ungrateful.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2006
  2. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Hi, :hiya:
    Welcome to the forum.

    I am really sorry you felt like **** to go this route. I know you must hurt a lot. I also feel you are very brave to come on here and share your pain and confusion, uncertainity with us. We want to help where you are. I can relate a lot to what you just wrote; in fact I have felt the same way (maybe for other reasons). Please don't feel we will judge you.

    Please share with us what makes you hate life and yourself at such a young age. Did anything happen to make you feel that way? Do you feel your parents do not listen to you or know you? Are you an only child. Hoping to hear from you soon.

    TLA
     
  3. roses

    roses Member

    Hey there hun,

    Well, it sounds like you've had a really, really crappy time! You didn't explain what caused you to try and kill yourself, but you must have been feeling really horrible emotionally to try to commit suicide. In fact, "really horrible" doesn't really do justice, does it?

    As TLA says, we won't judge you here.

    You may have clinical depression. This can be caused either naturally are brought on due to traumatising events in your life. I don't know much about health care in the US, but I'd heavily encourage you to continue seeking psychiatric help. You might benefit from taking some sort of mediciation.

    If events or your circumstance caused you to attempt suicide, we might be able to help suggest how you can get help or help yourself with certain things so please feel free to share anything at all with us.

    Even if you still feel suicidal right now, please believe that you CAN feel better. It might take time. It might take effort. But you can do it.

    Peace and love darlin' :smile:
     
  4. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I took pills like you did and drank alot of fluids. I fell asleep and hoped to die. I woke the next morning angry that i was still alive. Since then I have gotten help and am getting my life back on track. I am glad I lived, I would have missed out on a lot, if I had died.
     
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