my attempt.....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by emmasmith, Jun 22, 2010.

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  1. emmasmith

    emmasmith Member

    i'm new here just joined

    well i'm 19, had my first attempt a few months ago

    was on a real downer and had an argument with my college tutor that day, he said he wanted me out of the college etcc and came in screaming and shouting, i thought, right thats it, no qualification, no job, no money, might aswell be dead
    so it sparked off my first attempt

    got home, raiding cupboards, took about 40ish pills (i think!) hadn't eaten or drunken anything all day.
    laid down on sofa, next thing i know i was laid on a bed at the doctors surgery with paramedics around me (my first thoughts were FUCK IT, it failed)
    because it was 5 hours afer i took them, they could only do bloods and sent me to the observation ward while i waiting to see some person, she started talking to me (i wasn't in the mood to talk) then kept being sick and she said she wasn't happy so would see me in the morn, so had to stay in.

    appaz i wasn't as well as i should be the next morn, so did more bloods, my levels were VERY borderline (if only i took those 10 extra pills ! ), by this time i just wanted to get out, didn't want to talk to anyone, so i refused and eventually they let me out in the afternoon.

    it wasn't a call for help, it was to die.
    no one is in tomorrow so i'm going to go to the shops and stock up (can't find any pills in the house - trust me i've searched)
  2. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    I feel for you :( BUT (i know everyone says this) don't do it. Don't do it on impulse. Try to survive another week, or another day. Just try :) I sure don't want to lose anyone here at the forum. And hey I'm 19 too, and we 19year olds have to stay together :)
    You will survive this if you just take one moment at the time. Don't rush your future. You don't know how things will turn out. I really hope you will feel different about this in a couple of days or so. You are not alone, trust me.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please emma, don't harm yourself again. You're too young to die. :hug:
  4. emmasmith

    emmasmith Member

    im not too young at all, i'm old enough to make my own decisions, and this is going to be the best decision of my life!
  5. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hope you don't do it.
    Hate to say I feel the same way though.
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Emma, hi, my name is Emma too.
    I hope you dont do this.
    Were you thrown out of college? Or do you still have the possibility of making it to your career and money?
    Can you go to another college?
    We are here to help, we dont want you to do anything stupid
  7. emmasmith

    emmasmith Member

    no i was never going to be thrown out of college, i've finished my 2 years of college now, with top grades. but still doesn't make me any happier
  8. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Your 19 and you finished 2 years of college :O, Im jealous actually. Must be pretty smart to do that. What'd u take in school? what area are you from? I mean, you may not see it from your point of view but from the sounds of it your prob better qualified than me and will make it great in life. What are you looking for in life... I mean, if you had no boundaries holding you back?

    feel free to pm me if you want or add me :)
  9. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Emma. Your future is bright and I would not allow anyone to make you think other wise. Going to college is a dream that I know you have, but it should not be the only reason for you to live. You are capable of so much more! Life is not about school. It is about learning from our trials and errors. It is about loving and experiencing life. I am so happy that your attempt failed, because you matter more than you know. You are needed in this life, and although you do not know the future, you have to be around to see what it holds. Do not kill yourself, because you have yet to live. There are many people here who are just like you. They have yet to figure out who they are or where they fit in, in this puzzle we call life. We all are made to serve a wonderful and glorious purpose, and in time it will be revealed to you. Please do not give up on yourself or cut yourself short. You are never alone, and you are loved. Blessings
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2010
  10. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    When I was your age I had attempted at least twice to be gone. I didn't have much of anything. I was a high school dropout. I'm not saying that having some college under your belt makes a difference. I don't know what you're going through. I do know that with depression you could have everything in the world and it wouldn't make a difference. It doesn't change what you've been through and how you feel. I'm glad to hear you didn't succeed. I hope you take some of the words on this page to heart and hold on until you get what you need to get through this.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    You're a very bright girl Emma. It would be a shame if you ended your life. You've already finished 2 years of college, which is quite an accomplishment. I'm sure many people only wish that they had your intelligence. Please don't give up. :hug:
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