My attempts

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by RDF, Jan 24, 2011.

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  1. RDF

    RDF Guest

    My first attempt was when I was 12. Was shortly after my parents divorce my mother remarried and divorced again and moved to another state. For whatever reason xxxxx.

    My second real attempt was just over a year ago. At that point I was severly depressed for many reasons. I drank so much alcohol that I had several sezuires. Nurse asked if I was trying to kill myself and in a round about way I told her i was. After 24 hour watch my wife came and told me don't tell the thearapist that you where suicidal. I wish I would of now becuase my depression has gotten so much worst. I know if I attempt again it will be my last.

    I am hoping to find the coping skills here and get well enough to help others. I don't want to seek help where I have to face the person ... _ hate being judged
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So glad you failed twice otherwise we would have never met you...and there are many of us who can relate...please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing...there are many of us who care...J
  3. chrislad

    chrislad Member

    Hi RDF. I understand where you are coming from with this. I am thinking of applying for a new job which I can't bring myself to do. I feel like a liar when I say anything positive about myself - I don't know which way my life and mood is going to take me from one day to the next.

    I hope you get help and feel like you can reach for it.

    I remember seeing somebody though when I was at a very low ebb. I struggled to even tell my doctor so I went to the surgery with a note which I had written explaining myself, only a few lines, why I was there and that I found it tough to cope. I was nearly in tears. He was really kind about this. He even said 'don't worry, there is always work' when I mentioned one of the things I was worried about was that situation. I smiled when he said this. I didn't feel trivialised, instead I had a brief moment of respite from my cynicism because I really liked this guy as a person and felt he was totally genuine. Really good natured man.

    Well, I went to a counsellor who I opened up to about my paranoia and thinking because of smoking weed and he prescribed me some risperidone. This is an anti-psychotic which I took at a very low dose. It did give me slight occasional spasms below my eye (weird) but it helped clear my thinking and wean me off weed. I wasn't on it for long. That was about five years ago and I haven't touched it since and never will. It would be the end of me. The anxiety I felt in those days was so intensely personal, if that makes any sense, that I wanted nothing to do with myself. Only getting out of here would have given me any comfort.

    Well, I didn't and I'm still here. Like you, I'd like to use this forum as a building block and a stabiliser and it's something of a godsend at times. I've taken comfort just from looking at threads. Like that doctor I've just noticed humanity in others and it's helped me feel less alone.

    It's terrible to feel judged but a leap, though uncomfortable, won't hurt as much as sitting back. It really helped me at that time. I wouldn't be here without it. Hand on heart I would not. You could use this place to bounce off any negative experiences or upset. I hope to do that in the near future.
  4. RDF

    RDF Guest

    Thank you for your responses. After being here just a few days, I have backed away from the edge. trying to deal with things and get my life into perspective.
    Hoping I can be help to others here in the near future.

    Thank you again for the support.
  5. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Not gonna judge you, so ner ner!:massmoon:

    OK, serious now. You know what? I think you are really brave. It takes a lot of guts to open up and talk to a bunch of people that you have never met. So see? You already have more strength than you realised. It is just a matter of shaping that into a form that can help you. You will. It will just take time. But I know you will. :hug:
  6. RDF

    RDF Guest

    LOL thanks :p
  7. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    Don't attempt being suicidal whats going on with you ? Why are you doing these sort of things. Please don't try one more time you don't need to do this again. Embrace your life you don't have a terminal illness or anything you just don't want to live and I understand that but we're here to help you through your darkest hour.
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I understand the wanting help but you don't want to actually do it face to face. There are plenty of telephone support places out there. Depends on where you are though as to what there is. There is also email support you can get. You can do a lot of things online like CBT etc.

    However, if you are depressed don't try and struggle on your own. One of the biggest hurdles is asking for help. Go see your GP. They will not judge you at all. 1 in 3 of the people your GP (doctor if you are not in uk) is mental health related. So they will not be shocked and they will be able to offer you advice.

    Keep posting on here and let us know how you get on. I find it really useful when I am in a bad way.

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