My Baby Boy Luke Daniel Born Sleeping @ 38 Weeks

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Fire_N_Ice, Sep 11, 2011.

  1. Fire_N_Ice

    Fire_N_Ice Member

    All my life I've had "mental health" issues but after giving birth to my baby boy who had already died due to an umbilical cord accident earlier this year I cannot seem to move on. I think about him constantly, he was so cute and adorable. He should be here right now with his family. I think I have post traumatic stress disorder...I can't get images out of my mind of him. I want to be with my baby...
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    :hug: R.I.P. Luke

    You are in my thoughts. Have you thought about talking to someone IRL about how you think you have PTSD?

    And, lest I forget, welcome to the forums here! :) Take care.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you are suffering post partum depression hun you are suffering from a great loss you need therapy to help you grieve okay please get some hun hugs
  4. Fire_N_Ice

    Fire_N_Ice Member

    Thank you, I don't have any health insurance right now so I can't see the physcologist (sp?) I was seeing. My boyfriend (baby's dad) is processing his death differently and we are not together. I feel like such a "loser" b/c I am 30 and live w my mom...I have 3 children from a previous marriage and their dad has custody of them. I do see them every week and talk to them every day. They are what keeps me going. I promised my family after my suicide attempt last year I would not to that to them again...but it is very hard not to think about :-(
  5. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    words will never be enough to comfort you in what you are going through. i have a friend who recently went through the same thing, its devastating. i just hope you will find your way through the pain. we are all here for you, to support and comfort you. :hug:
  6. Fire_N_Ice

    Fire_N_Ice Member

    It was so horrible giving birth to a full term baby you know had already died. He didn't deserive that. He was so perfect and it was an umbilical cord accident. I had to deliver him and his poor little skin was peeling, it was horrible. I could still tell he was so beautiful (and BIG...9 lbs 7oz!) I feel like he died because I am a bad person. I want to be with him but I can't give up b/c my other children need me...but I can't even take proper care of them b/c they live with their father (my ex-husband). I have borderline personality disorder and every day I am in horrible mental and emotional pain. I have had two serious (intensive care unit at the hospital) suicide attempts and I promised I would never do that again...
  7. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    im so sorry :hug: that doesnt seem enough. please know that everyone here is here for you and will do everything they can to help. :hug:
  8. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    we all react diffrently to the death of a loved one, at times it can take a little longer to get goin especially with the death of a child. the process can not be rushed so dont feel compelled to meet a deadline.
  9. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    Oh, my dear... What a heartbreak. Years ago a friend lived through losing her baby in a similar event. She was put in touch with a group called Compassionate Friends, which is a support group for parents who are grieving a child. Talking or typing to people who really get what you are going through can help you find your way. Take care. is the homepage.