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My best friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by baywasp, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. baywasp

    baywasp The crappiest rugger

    I first met my best friend in... I think it was 2005. She was the new kid nobody knew and I was the weird kid nobody liked, so we were pretty much destined to pair up on the first project of the school year. We hit it off pretty much right away and were best friends throughout middle school until she moved about 350 miles away from where I lived at the time.

    We remained best friends through high school by texting, connecting on Facebook and writing each other long letters. She occasionally came to visit my hometown with her family. I'd see her at those times. Through most of my rocky college experience leading up to my move, we stayed close (although I felt reluctant to tell her about depression and suicidal feelings like I did before.) That was when things changed.

    When I was planning my move to San Francisco, I was really nervous. This was a huge step in my life, and I wanted her to know about it. So I texted her about it. I didn't tell her specifically to keep it a secret, but it was kind of a given, considering the things I mentioned about my parents.

    I don't remember how long after that the next part happened, but it couldn't have been more than a few days. My parents received a phone call at approximately 11pm, maybe later. I knew something was wrong right away. My parents told me the next morning that it had been my best friend's mom saying that my best friend had told her I was planning something drastic. My parents asked me a few things. I confirmed nothing and denied suicide plans. Later I found out my parents had lied and knew of my upcoming move. I asked my best friend about it and she said her mom must have gone through her phone. I found out she'd lied too, and she said she wasn't sorry.

    We stopped talking after that for a while until my counselor at the residential treatment program encouraged me to forgive her. Things were a little rocky at first, but we got back to being best friends soon enough. Now I'm struggling in my relationship with her again.

    She's just so busy, she hardly has time to talk to me. I find it hard not to be upset at that. (Even though I know it's not really her fault.) Plus there's at least one other person she calls her "best friend". It might seem silly, but I sometimes feel slighted when I see that on Facebook. I feel like maybe we could grow apart and I don't want that to happen. Sometimes I feel like she's only tolerating me, but that's probably just my low self-esteem talking...

    I'm going to be moving within 300 miles of where she is soon, but I get the feeling that no matter how close I get she'll still have trouble finding time to see me.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you're struggling with this friendship.

    Do you know if she's genuinely busy? Have you considered that maybe you have commitment issues, considering what you've been through in life? Maybe it is making you extra sensitive and your brain is interpreting every little thing negatively? Maybe that's a factor here.
    Have you tried telling her how you feel? And that you miss her? One key stone in a working friendship is communication.

    I know your worries though... all my 'college' (I don't know how to explain the education system here... but anyhow) friends all spread around the country, and I can rarely afford visiting them, not even my best friend. I constantly worry I'll lose them... but when we do meet it's just like old times. I'm visiting my best friend today though...

    Be as honest with your friend as possible, hopefully she will understand and respect that
    baywasp likes this.
  3. baywasp

    baywasp The crappiest rugger

    I'm pretty sure she is genuinely busy. Last I heard she was working two jobs and going to college full time. But there's been at least one major time where I feel like she could have made time for me but didn't. I went visit her (and my sister, who lives in the same area) last summer. We met up and hung out a little. We had also planned on meeting a few days later, but she got called into work or something like that. However, she later "had" to go to her boyfriend's sister's cabin. As far as I can tell, they just spent the day having fun. Maybe I don't know the whole story, but I'm not sure. I could very well be taking things too negatively. I have a tendency to worry that my friends hate me even when they have no reason to.

    I'll try to be honest with her, but I'm kind of hesitant to tell her everything. I really don't want to make her feel guilty about being busy. She and I say we love and miss each other all the time, though I wonder if it's just kind of through habit. I hate that I wonder that.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Friends come and go in our lives its a given some will stay and some will go....I don't have any advice but check in now and then sometimes is harder and harder when time fly by too fast.
  5. baywasp

    baywasp The crappiest rugger

    Yeah, I've had a lot of friends come and go in my life. Some straight up abandoned me. I always thought this friendship would stand the test of time though. I'll try to talk to her soon. Maybe tomorrow. I'd text her now, but it's kind of late for her at this time.