My bf won't have sex with me.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by pogosticker, Nov 3, 2013.

  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    Ok this might sound selfish but me and my bf have been with each other for a year now. We're gay guys. He won't let me put it in him and he won't put it in me either. Whenever I bring it up he seems to have some sort of story.

    We do oral but I want to make love with him.

    A few months ago I came close to cheating because someone wanted to have sex with me and they were up for it.

    It might sound selfish and for that I'm sorry but I feel like we're mates fooling around sometimes or that he isn't completely attracted to me.

    I've done stuff to him that he wanted me to do that I'm not comfortable doing but I do it anyway because I like making him happy. But it's a year now and he knows I need sex. I realise sex isn't everything, and he's the love of my life, but I don't want to grow old without sex.

    Am I wrong for feeling like this? I'm not happy not having sex, or making love. But I don't want to force or pressure him into it either. But a year now. No sex.

    Anyone relate to this? Probably not because it's a weird situation.
  2. fransigne

    fransigne Active Member

    Ive been with my bf for over 2 years now. We moved in together this past June and the frequency has slowed way down. Ive brought it up to him because I was concerned he is not as attracted to me anymore. Based on what he has told me it seems he is dealing with depression and he also smokes pot everyday which lowers his libido. Since I love him I have decided to not take it as a form of rejection. I don't know if I could last a year without the sex. I'm not sure what I would do though.
  3. dobispr88

    dobispr88 Member

    Look on the bright side. you're not a 22 year old virgin like myself!
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Trigger warning - nature of response

    I think this is a discussion best between you and your partner. You need to discuss what you both want, and if there's anything that's possibly holding you back from going all the way.

    It's a sensitive topic - is there anything he's experienced that may be a mental block from him wanting to go to that final step to making love? It's a possibility. After all, people who have been abused, can struggle with anything that can relate to that level of abuse. Sexual abuse/rape can build a mental block (flashbacks etc), preventing going further on along these lines.

    Patience is a virtue. However, if you're coming close to cheating to fulfil your own desires, you have to weigh up if your desires are being met by being with him, or if you are simply lusting after something you want. Only you can make that decision.

    The important bit is - communication between you both is required to know where you both stand and if the relationship is worth continuing for the pair of you. If you're keeping him happy by doing stuff you're not comfortable with, and he won't reciprocate that, it needs the talk. It may be hard to hear - but it does sound one-sided, albeit I've only got your side of things to go on.

    Hope this helps.

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It's not as weird as you think. I was with my boyfriend 2 and a half years, and I can count on one hand how many times we had sex,literally. But his problem stemmed from childhood sexual abuse so I couldn't question it anytime but to be honest I do think not having sex was partly why our relationship died out and ended the way it did.