My birthday's coming soon....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Things, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I'm almost legally an adult. God, I'm not ready to grow up. I've never even had a chance to be a child or a teenager. I've only just realised yesterday how fucking terrified I am about growing up. As if I didn't have enough to be afraid of.

    I always feel so damn old, yet immature at the same time (a symptom of PTSD apparently). I can't handle responsiblity, not even the smallest ones. I'm probably going to live with my mom and grandma for a long time, but they can't be here for me forever. I don't know if I'm going to make it.

    My birthdays only remind how alone I feel. I've never had friends to celebrate with me. None that I can remember. It's always like every other day, and this hurts. It's probably going to be worst now, I don't think even my online friends will tell me happy birthday...

    Time's moving too fast. I'm worrying about dying all the time. Either from something sudden or old age. Life's too damn short, yet it's dragging along painfully slow. I'm missing everything.

    I don't want to be an adult. Fuck.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I will be watching for your birthday so I can send you best wishes....
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the kind thoughts. :)

    I'm feeling a lot more stable now, had time to get out of my emotional crash.
  4. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I've been an adult for a long time and probably because of PTSD- my emotional growth is stunted. In my heart of hearts I am still a scared and tortured kid after all these years. In most of my dreams I am roaming the neighborhood as a boy or teen with my childhood friends. This is not good.
  5. LDA

    LDA Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. I turn eighteen on April 18, ironically enough. But I feel the same way. Being an adult shall suck. :(
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I feel the exact way but I'm going to be 23 in a few months. I'm not ready to graduate from college and go into the real world....
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I'm torn between being comforted that I'm not alone, and saddened that so many feel like this. :/

    I appreciate the comments, everyone.

    Heh, even my mom knows my birthday will be crummy. I'm glad she's honest.

    Damn, it's going to suck...but I'll live. Maybe the year after that will be better...
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know how you feel.. I'm 53 and spend every birthday alone..The only one who remembers my birthday is my daughter and she lives the other side of the state..You get use to it..
  9. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Hello Things
    I went through the same thing as you just two months ago... I just wanted to say that becoming an adult not as dramatic as you may think. I'm still who I am, the only difference to me is the fact that I can go and buy my own cigarettes if I feel for it (lol)...

    HUGS and Happy Birthday
  10. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    I can totally relate to this Things. The age of legal adulthood and college is rapidly approaching for me as well, and I simply do not feel emotionally ready enough to take on the oncoming trials of college and such. Adolescence? What the hell is that? I've never experienced the so called "happiest and care-free" years that others have been so graciously gifted with.

    Anyways, have a happy (or at least non-triggering) future birthday.

    Take care,
  11. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Stranger: I'm worry to hear that, but at least you still have your daughter. :)

    Little_me: Well, I do admit, I look forward to getting a job when I'm 18 (mom won't let me work before then), though it's going to be another year. I guess it won't be so bad...

    Monsieur: Ulgh, you and me both. I hope thingd turn out well for you.

    Thanks for all the happy birthdays, guys. :)