I'm almost legally an adult. God, I'm not ready to grow up. I've never even had a chance to be a child or a teenager. I've only just realised yesterday how fucking terrified I am about growing up. As if I didn't have enough to be afraid of. I always feel so damn old, yet immature at the same time (a symptom of PTSD apparently). I can't handle responsiblity, not even the smallest ones. I'm probably going to live with my mom and grandma for a long time, but they can't be here for me forever. I don't know if I'm going to make it. My birthdays only remind how alone I feel. I've never had friends to celebrate with me. None that I can remember. It's always like every other day, and this hurts. It's probably going to be worst now, I don't think even my online friends will tell me happy birthday... Time's moving too fast. I'm worrying about dying all the time. Either from something sudden or old age. Life's too damn short, yet it's dragging along painfully slow. I'm missing everything. I don't want to be an adult. Fuck.